But, it's just that time of the year. On the one hand, I'm happy the sun does not blind me into wakefulness at four in the morning, but on the other hand I can feel the bad side of the change of season. I've been fidgety all weekend and today it's really hit me quite hard.
I'm determined though not to let it get to me. I kinda just want to curl up in bed and hibernate till spring (getting out to wrap up presents and decorate for Christmas, of course!) but I cannot. You cannot just shut off from the world like that.
Last year I managed to get through winter without anti depressants, and I'm not going back on them (because coming off them gives me a really bad physical withdrawel, nothing sinister about them, just you can't really expect to stay on them forever!) and there's no point going for counselling because there's nothing to be counselled about. I just have to kick myself up the bum.
Something interesting to chew on. I often (and so do many others) turn to food to soothe my low moods, but I think I feel worse for wear today because I've had a bad weekend and I did binge on toast and cereal yesterday (first time in a while). I think that, hard as it is when you feel this way to stick to healthy eating in general (not just for weight loss) we make it worse for ourselves when we let ourselves go...our bodies feel better for being properly nourished, and whilst some people I know just don't get it, it's the physical side of depression and anxiety that's the worst.
So despite the fact that I've barely slept a wink all weekend and I can hardly keep my eyes open, I feel really weepy and woeful, I'm going to put on my makeup, grab me a serotonin laced banana, and go shopping (because it is payday, and what is there to feel sad about on payday?)
First I'm going to go and buy lovely Christmas presents for family and friends, and maybe even Ben. I'm going to treat myself to a lovely new lipstick to congradulate myself on my 17lbs loss (and also because the light pink I bought for work does not suit me at all and I need something other than my alternative harlot red shade because, you know, don't want to give the customers the wrong idea). Then when I'm all shopped out I'm going to ASDA to buy things we actually need. And Some lovely flowers, because my other lovely flowers are looking worse for wear, and a house always needs lovely flowers. And then I'm going to come home, nom on some apple, and go to ChildLine for more training. And hopefully by then some good old fresh air and sunshine will have brightened my spirits, and my fellow trainees are always good for a giggle. In fact, I think that if my attempts at faux pumpking pie making go well on Thursday I shall make one for them for our last training session on Sunday.
See, just talking about it makes me feel better already ^_^ but before I do any of that....I think I'm going to need some caffeine....
