Motivation!

Sometimes, what you really need to find motivation, is girl talk and a few too many glasses of wine.

On Saturday night I swapped my Ben for a Becky. Whilst Ben took some time out with Becky's now fiancee Steve (yay for love!) and the other boys in our life to eat pizza, watch Star Wars, and generally be big manly nerds, Becky and I shared wine, talked weddings (did I mention yay for love?) and, well, you know how it is, discuss the finer, deeper, psychologically deep seated issues in our lives. But mostly wine and weddings.

And football.

And pizza too.

But I digress. Such girl time is often self exploratory and always therapeutic, and of course talking about weddings, the future, love and health and all that, really re focused my mind on what really matters, especially now that we're living in a home which could easily accommodate a mini Myatt...

I've been coasting along, health wise (and by that of course I mean weight loss wise), since Christmas. Granted we weren't expecting to be chucked headfirst into moving house, and I still have to pinch myself to remind myself that yes, we are here and here is indeed ours, not that mouldy little flat we used to call home. Trips to visit my family and the stress of new duties at work...despite my doctors great two pronged plan for me, it's been way too much. Way, way too much.

However, as good excuses as all of these are, Becky and I got to the topic of making choices towards the very end of the night, and I think I realised that actually, excuses or no, I really need to make the choice for myself. Do I make the choice to continue as I am and hope life becomes just "perfect" to start getting healthy and loosing weight again, or do I make the choice to grasp at every tool available to me, and all my past experience, and just go for it in earnest again, however ideal or not the situation may be? I think we all know what the winning choice is most likely to be.

And, as simple and obvious as that may sound, I think coming to such a realisation and deciding to make the choice has added a peppering of another key ingredient that makes weight loss a little big more obtainable. I feel brimming with motivation, and raring to go.

Of course, the proof is usually in the pudding, in our deeds and actions, not just in empty, rambling blog posts like this. So I went ahead and gathered said tools and have, I think, made a good start.

This morning I held my breath and braved the scales, knowing that I have to know how I'm doing in order to push myself. I was't looking forward to it, and I've been avoiding it. Oddly enough, having the scales packed away thanks to the move and enabled my avoidance perfectly, but I got up early for work and unpacked them (yes, I knew exactly where they were).

To my pleasant surprise, I'm not as bad as I thought I was. At my lowest weight since the summer I was 318 pounds...today I'm 327 pounds...I was 346 pounds when I started, in earnest, to try and loose weight. Basically, yes, I've been bad since Christmas...but boy oh boy am I thrilled with the fact that I've gained less than a stone, less than half the weight I lost in the first place...I haven't gone back to square one at all, and I am leaping on that to get me going!

I've also really focused on taking back good habits that helped me last time. I took my lunch in to work with me, a tomato and basil pasta pot, an apple and a banana, I've chewed compulsively on sugar free gum, and I didn't even look at the sweets when I went to get the racing post from the newsagents this morning when I had to open shop (the newsagents we get the post from has a special deal on chocolate bars - three for a pound - and I have no choice but to go in there when I open shop!). I walked just short of a mile after work, and I've logged every morsel of food to pass my lips today. All in all, a lot of little victories, and not only do I feel good in myself for having achieved them and not made excuses to back out of them, but I feel good physically for treating my body so kindly. I knew today would have to be a good one to start this thing off again, and I think I've laid great foundations to begin getting healthy.

The one thing that's missing this time that's different from the last time I was successful in losing weight is having a challenge. I decided not to wait or look for an upcoming blog challenge. This is for me, not anyone or anything else. Taking inspiration from a challenge I saw ages ago on (I think) either the MFP or weight watchers forums, I'm challenging myself to walk a marathon between now and this time next month. It seems fitting; the walk to work is much gentler on me now (no steep hill to claw away at my asthma riddled lungage) and we have a huge park a stones throw away from our house. Because I need to encourage myself back out to the gym (because I will never be comfortable running around in public enough to achieve a comparable level of fitness to that which I know I can achieve in the gym) I'm counting treadmill miles too. I started yesterday, and have walked 1.73 miles so far...which may not sound a lot, but for me that is a big deal, I don't do walking and will get a bus to go just two stops down the road.

But lazy or not...only 24.49 miles to go!

I really think I can do it :)

So glad to feel that my mojo is well and truly back, and here's me lifting a virtual glass of (low calorie) wine to it staying for a goodly time yet...I have my best friends wedding to slim down for, after all!

Stats for November and goals for December

It's the last day of the month so time to look at how my efforts have been paying off :)

Average weekly loss: 0.6 pounds (last months was 0.86)
BMI at end of the month: 42.9 (last month was 43.3)
Average daily calorific deficit: 301 (last months was 428)
Total calories burned at the gym: 3424 (104 less than October)
Average daily calories burned at the gym: 114

I never hit my goal of increasing my weekly loss to 0.9 a week, but this month has been difficult; for a start I've been plagued with injury and illness of various sorts, so even though my workout has increased in intensity I was unable to make it as often. And then to be fair I've not been strictly strict on myself with food this month, and meet ups with old friends and a week where I basically binge ate my way through most of the chocolate in Liverpool have clearly taken their toll. It's had its ups and downs, and it's that time of the year when I don't want to be active, I just want to curl up and commit suicide by chocolate. Delicious, delicious chocolate.

With that in mind I'm pretty pleased that I've actually been good enough inbetween the difficult weeks to still maintain a loss. I may have set myself a goal for November to hit 0.9, but my overall long term strategy is to maintain and average of 0.5 a week (As I think I've mentioned before, taking into account my PCOS etc) and in that sense I've been succesful.

But all these numbers are all very abstract. The proof in the pudding is that on the first of November I was 318.5 pounds and today I weigh in at 313.2 pounds. I'm not sure how hackers is working that out as an average half a pound a week loss but I'm presuming that's taking into account daily fluctuations etc.

So where do I want to go from here? December being notorious as it is, I've never not gained weight in December so whilst some may be aiming to plunge in and get stuck in to lose this month, I'm aiming to maintain my weight this month. Any loss will be welcomed with open arms, but as long as I enter January having not put on a stone (an annual event for me) I'll be pleased!

Stats for October and goals for November

I've decided to make this a monthly thing...I think it will help me keep my eye on the goal of maintaining a loss, however small, on a monthly basis, and will help keep me motivated. Also, in very rough theory, I can see where most of my weight loss is coming from...So without further ado...

Average weekly loss: 0.86 pounds (last months was 0.79)
BMI at end of the month: 43.3 (down by 0.4)
Average daily calorific deficit: 428 (last months was 397)
Total calories burned at the gym: 3528
Average daily calories burned at the gym: 113

So...I can glean that actually, if weight loss were uniform and strictly to the rules (I know it's not but let me be all clever for once!)...I'm loosing most of my weight due to my diet but a substantial amount is coming from working out. Also, considering I wasn't working out in September if you look at the numbers you could say that actually my diet has been worse this month but the working out has been a safety net. I knew the gym would be a winner for me :D Now the goal for the month of November will be to get the diet back on track to let the working out do even more for me. I'm going to aim for an average weekly loss of 0.9 pounds a week, to just push myself a little bit further.