Sugar free day 4

So today is day 4 sans sugar. I'm taking it in baby steps so I haven't had desserts or sweets or candy or (shock horror) chocolate (a huge deal for me, truth be told) since Thursday. I've skipped the sugar in my tea and started mixing my porridge with cinnamon, a little stevia and some extra milk instead of Nutella.

Three days without added sugar in the form of sweeties and the such isn't such a huge deal, even to me, but I'm proud of myself anyhow as I've chosen a killer time to start this (that is, my husbands birthday weekend). But in a way it's good that I started at such a difficult time, because I'll know it'll make it easier later on. I had to sit through mister Ben eating one of my favourite desserts (Pizza Hut cookie dough with ice cream...gosh!) and I resisted! And then the same day my best friend ordered another of my favourite desserts...chocolate fudge cake and ice cream. And the best thing is I was mildly tipsy at this point too, usually the time when all of my resolve goes flying out of the window and I say "oh hell whatever, pass the cake, she loves the cake!"

So far I've found that having put up the "sweeties and desserts and added sugar are absoloutely not allowed!" rule has made it much easier to resist temptation. I still drink diet pop, and this does mean I get a sweet taste. Perhaps one day I'll give this up too, but for now, when I'm doing so well, I think it's more of a help than a hinderence!

Things will not be all plain sailing though. As of tomorrow I give up refined carbs (in other words, anything not wholegrain) which I usually only eat occasionally anyhow. It will make eating out interesting, but it should also encourage the eating of more wholesome foods at lunch time.

I would normally bulk lunch out to be more healthy on fresh fruit but in a couple of weeks time, fruit is also disallowed (I know, shock horror, but it's not permanent, it's just to try and get all the sugar out of the system, it's only for a few weeks). So I'm really scratching my head about this. I've settle on rye bread topped with cream cheese and veggies, and a boiled egg thrown in for good measure. I even found a little lunch box with a tub in it so I can plop in my portion of cream cheese before I go to work and not worry about eating too much. I hope that the protein and fats in the egg and cream cheese will help to fill me up, and it'll be great to increase my veggie consumption - I know we're told by the powers that be to get most of our five a day from veggies rather than fruits (because of the sugar issue).

And if this isn't filling enough I've stumbled accross a little invention called the activated nut. We're always encouraged to eat raw nuts because they're full of healthy oils and packed with minerals. But, frankly, raw nuts just make me go "meh" in the mouth. They've a bitter after taste. I think it's the Phytic acid in them. Obviously I can't really eat them sugar or chocolate coated.

I read about fellow sugar quitters snacking on activated nuts, in which nuts are soaked to begin the germination process (thus breaking down the phytic acid) and then dehydrated in a very low temperature oven ready for consumption. I've no idea why activated nuts are particularly good for the sugar quitters, or if sugar quitters are into health food trends and have just latched onto them (it is thought the phytic acid prevents the absorption of many of the great minerals in the nuts). But anyhow, one thing that everyone agreed upon was that they taste so much nicer than raw nuts, so I decided to give them a go and found a great recipe for them on Scandi Foodie.

Or rather, I saw that and put my own twist and just soaked a bag of mixed nuts (including peanuts, though I've never seen anyone talk of activating peanuts so I hope I haven't poisoned myself) and tossed them in a bucket load of paprika, some hot chilli poweder and a little salt. Next time I think more chilli powder is required, but on the whole they are delicious, warming, and not at all bitter. I have a new favourite home made snack!

Till next time folks,

Sugar and diabetes and PCOS, oh my!

Well hello there! Yes I still exist! Yes I am still here!

The past few months have been hectic and I've had little to no time for blogging or reading blogs, but I've been (mostly) enjoying myself. I'm working in a new shop (same company, they like to move us around) and whilst I've settled in quite nicely the new routine leaves little time for a bit of a contemplation or rant on a blog on an evening.

Why suddenly start blogging again then? Well I've decided I'm going to give quitting sugar a go. Not earth shattering, but I figure that when I'm pulling out my hair from sugar withdrawl I may find a little weep and a rant on my blog somewhat therapeutic.

A little up to date on the situation. No progress on the weight loss. Not that I've been paying it much attention to be honest. I've been focussing on getting fitter and healthier, and I am seeing progress in these areas, little by little. I can now jog for 5 whole minutes straight (hooray for C25K!)...I remember when I tried to jog for a minute back in April when I first started jogging properly in the park (That is, not on a treadmill!) and I was almost in tears from the pain of it, and had to stop during the walking intervals. No longer do I require to douse my poor shins in deep heat, no longer am I plagued by chronic soreness and cramping in bed after my runs! And whilst I've not lost any weight (not a pound) I've been buying clothes a size smaller and my workmate has noted that she thinks I look more toned and slim. Score!

Quitting sugar is the next step in my get healthy kick. I understand it's been a big thing, a bit of a health bandwagon to jump on recently, with blogs and ebooks and tv programmes and all kinds popping up every where. When I first heard about people doing this last year, I laughed myself senseless. There was no freaking way I could ever live without it. Well maybe there isn't, but I'm going to give it a go. The obvious health benefits aside there are a couple of reasons I've decided to do this despite having my reservations at first.

1) Honestly, the most influential and important, impacting influence of my decision? A close relative (who's identity shall be anonymous for their confidentiality...if you're a member of my family you'll know who it is) has just been told their diabetes will require them to take insulin, and they are having the appropriate analysis etc to be put onto it. Another close relative has been heading that way and has only been able to avoid it by taking 10 mile runs every day and eating nothing but porridge in the morning and leafy green salad in the evening to control their blood sugar levels. Oh yes, this was as well as medication. The medication, from what I've been told, simply wasn't enough

You don't go from zero to doing ten mile runs. Said relative was, and always has been, very very fit. Their job requires it. So what does that tell you? It tells you how strong the diabetes gene is in my family. I have all the physical hallmarks of someone predisposed to diabetes. My apple shaped body, the PCOS, various other mildly embarrasing and shall not be talked about here symptoms. I've been sent for many, many diabetes tests over the years because, frankly, my doctors just cannot believe that I'm not diabetic. Yet the results say not.

Seeing my relations go through what they're going through has, frankly, scared the willies out of me. I feel like there is a time bomb in my pancreas just waiting to explode. These relatives are middle aged, and I'm just thinking...wow...I'm worse than they were at my age...I have to get a hold on this now.

2) Friends are getting knocked up, people are having babies. When I lost a bit of weight last year I noticed some of my PCOS symptoms getting milder. Recently they've been getting worse again. Cutting down on the sugar is one of the best things you can do for PCOS (as well as losing weight, but I'm feeling that will be a welcome side effect of the sugar quittage).

I think I've spoken before about one PCOS handbook. I kept saying "oh yes, this time I'm going to follow the plan, I'll stick to it!" and I never do. Why? I get stuck on step 3 - cut back on the sugar. I'm ignoring the rest of the plan for now. I'm going straight to sugar. I'm quitting it. It shall no longer be a factor.

3) I keep sabotaging myself with binges. Now, I'm not saying I'm not going to want to binge but if I'm not allowed to eat sugar I'm thinking it might help. Something that I didn't particularly look into but that keeps coming up is how eating sugar can provoke the feelings of wanting to have a binge; the feeling of not being able to have just one biscuit from the packet. I can put my hand on my heart and tell you truly that many of my binges recently have been sparked by just having one little piece and then descending into a slobbering pile of sugar shoveling gloop. I don't know how true these claims are, but I'm willing to give it a try to see if it works for me.

4) I theorize that if I'm just point blank not allowed sugar it will be easier to say no to treats...there's no "oh I have the calories for one little piece of chocolate" (see above as to what happens next). Perhaps this will be a help too.

5) I recently had a bit of a relapse into a depressive phase, and it wasn't pleasant. I'm not blaming sugar on that, but I have heard that people who have quit sugar have felt a general improvement in their mood and quality and quantity of sleep, higher energy levels, greater concentration etc. Once again, I don't know how true these claims are or if it will help me the same way, but given the way I've been feeling recently, I'm willing to try it out just to see.

So I have my "programme" ready...or rather, I really jumped a bandwagon and invested in a little ebook about it. It's 8 weeks long. Maybe I won't have any benefit and I'll be tearing my hair out for a bar of chocolate by the end...but for now I'm gonna give it a go. As of now and for the next 8 weeks, consider me refined sugar free.

Hey guys!

I know it's hard to believe, but I am indeed still alive! I thought it's about time I dropped a line since I have been a truly terrible blogger recently.

I've been very busy, though not necissarily with anything "blog worthy". Things are still getting set up in the house, though we're mostly there. I really need to get a few extra picture hooks, but the place is already feeling more like a home than "the new house".

And what home would be complete without a family pet? Ben has pledged that I can finally get my pet Cockatiel ^_^ I'm so happy! I can't wait to bring him/her home and train them and play with them...I may even feature them in my very first Vlog. Perhaps if I'm totally overwhelmed with pet-ernal love for it, I'll vlog it often with all the tricks I'm so obviously going to teach it...

In other news, I started C25K on Wednesday. It was something I was always very cautious about doing as I'm sure any obese wannabe runner would be (both self concious about my appearence and worried about my health), but I started in the gym on the treadmill on Wednesday and today I completed week one in our local park. Sadly I have the flimsiest pair or trainers in the world, bought out of sheer necessity when I was skint and my old pair were bust and they offer no support whatsoever. As a result my ankles are aching and I'm getting worrisome shin pain (not a huge ammount but it's there) at the end of my runs. I'm concerned about progressing whilst I'm still getting this, so for now I'm going to repeat week one, in and out of the gym, and go for week two when I get my running shoes (my birthday present from my lovely mummy).

All that said, I'm not going to be blogging about it here. I've got a lot to say and journal and complain about regarding fitness and diet and what not, so I've started a new blog dedicated to it (finally!) and Adventures can go back to journaling my day to day adventures in life for posterity and family and whoever else may be interested.

Between falling in love with my local park (I'm a huge bird fan and it has lakes full of ducks and geese) preparing for my birthday party and getting excited over my upcoming addition to the family, I have quite a bit to blog about in the next month or so. I can't wait to give my new camera a spin and share all the fun I'm going to be having, so do stick around!

Motivation!

Sometimes, what you really need to find motivation, is girl talk and a few too many glasses of wine.

On Saturday night I swapped my Ben for a Becky. Whilst Ben took some time out with Becky's now fiancee Steve (yay for love!) and the other boys in our life to eat pizza, watch Star Wars, and generally be big manly nerds, Becky and I shared wine, talked weddings (did I mention yay for love?) and, well, you know how it is, discuss the finer, deeper, psychologically deep seated issues in our lives. But mostly wine and weddings.

And football.

And pizza too.

But I digress. Such girl time is often self exploratory and always therapeutic, and of course talking about weddings, the future, love and health and all that, really re focused my mind on what really matters, especially now that we're living in a home which could easily accommodate a mini Myatt...

I've been coasting along, health wise (and by that of course I mean weight loss wise), since Christmas. Granted we weren't expecting to be chucked headfirst into moving house, and I still have to pinch myself to remind myself that yes, we are here and here is indeed ours, not that mouldy little flat we used to call home. Trips to visit my family and the stress of new duties at work...despite my doctors great two pronged plan for me, it's been way too much. Way, way too much.

However, as good excuses as all of these are, Becky and I got to the topic of making choices towards the very end of the night, and I think I realised that actually, excuses or no, I really need to make the choice for myself. Do I make the choice to continue as I am and hope life becomes just "perfect" to start getting healthy and loosing weight again, or do I make the choice to grasp at every tool available to me, and all my past experience, and just go for it in earnest again, however ideal or not the situation may be? I think we all know what the winning choice is most likely to be.

And, as simple and obvious as that may sound, I think coming to such a realisation and deciding to make the choice has added a peppering of another key ingredient that makes weight loss a little big more obtainable. I feel brimming with motivation, and raring to go.

Of course, the proof is usually in the pudding, in our deeds and actions, not just in empty, rambling blog posts like this. So I went ahead and gathered said tools and have, I think, made a good start.

This morning I held my breath and braved the scales, knowing that I have to know how I'm doing in order to push myself. I was't looking forward to it, and I've been avoiding it. Oddly enough, having the scales packed away thanks to the move and enabled my avoidance perfectly, but I got up early for work and unpacked them (yes, I knew exactly where they were).

To my pleasant surprise, I'm not as bad as I thought I was. At my lowest weight since the summer I was 318 pounds...today I'm 327 pounds...I was 346 pounds when I started, in earnest, to try and loose weight. Basically, yes, I've been bad since Christmas...but boy oh boy am I thrilled with the fact that I've gained less than a stone, less than half the weight I lost in the first place...I haven't gone back to square one at all, and I am leaping on that to get me going!

I've also really focused on taking back good habits that helped me last time. I took my lunch in to work with me, a tomato and basil pasta pot, an apple and a banana, I've chewed compulsively on sugar free gum, and I didn't even look at the sweets when I went to get the racing post from the newsagents this morning when I had to open shop (the newsagents we get the post from has a special deal on chocolate bars - three for a pound - and I have no choice but to go in there when I open shop!). I walked just short of a mile after work, and I've logged every morsel of food to pass my lips today. All in all, a lot of little victories, and not only do I feel good in myself for having achieved them and not made excuses to back out of them, but I feel good physically for treating my body so kindly. I knew today would have to be a good one to start this thing off again, and I think I've laid great foundations to begin getting healthy.

The one thing that's missing this time that's different from the last time I was successful in losing weight is having a challenge. I decided not to wait or look for an upcoming blog challenge. This is for me, not anyone or anything else. Taking inspiration from a challenge I saw ages ago on (I think) either the MFP or weight watchers forums, I'm challenging myself to walk a marathon between now and this time next month. It seems fitting; the walk to work is much gentler on me now (no steep hill to claw away at my asthma riddled lungage) and we have a huge park a stones throw away from our house. Because I need to encourage myself back out to the gym (because I will never be comfortable running around in public enough to achieve a comparable level of fitness to that which I know I can achieve in the gym) I'm counting treadmill miles too. I started yesterday, and have walked 1.73 miles so far...which may not sound a lot, but for me that is a big deal, I don't do walking and will get a bus to go just two stops down the road.

But lazy or not...only 24.49 miles to go!

I really think I can do it :)

So glad to feel that my mojo is well and truly back, and here's me lifting a virtual glass of (low calorie) wine to it staying for a goodly time yet...I have my best friends wedding to slim down for, after all!

Winding back to reality

Feeling positive and happy today!

As of today, I am attempting to return to "real life". We're pretty comfortably settled into the new house now, with only little bits and bobs, and our pretty decorative things like pictures for the wall to be unpacked. Ben and I both start back at work on Monday, so we will be back to reality in that sense then.

This past week has been more of a new year than new years.... I went up to stay with family on Tuesday, saw my favourite ever band on Wednesday with my little sister and returned to Liverpool with a swanky new hairstyle and, I think, a much more positive outlook on life. It's amazing what a new do can do! But it's more than that. I feel like the little trip up north just ended the old Bex of the old flat and began the new Bex of the new house.

And new Bex has a whole lot of go get em power. Sadly the funk I found myself in throughout the latter part of February has set me way back on my weightloss efforts. I know I wasn't doing so well after Christmas, but with our sudden moving house, my diet has been atrocious. I confided in my doctor that I'd been binging almost every day, but I don't feel the need to do so right now. I feel so at ease in my new place, and more relaxed than I have been for a long time. We also don't have a sweet shop right next door to us either, so that may also explain my good behaviour this week! Anyhow, I've decided to re rev up the Beck diet book (I only got two and a half weeks into it last time) and work on my resolve and will power. I'm feeling very chilled and happy about where I go from here, and I've scheduled myself in for two trips to the gym this week...the first in a month...I'm looking forward to it so much!

And I need it. I bought myself a band t-shirt at the concert on Wednesday...I saw a few beefy older men wearing them so I figured if I got myself the biggest size I'd be ok. Well as you can see it's a little tight...it's not restrictive in any way, but I couldn't just wear it without feeling very self concious about it drawing attention to my tummy! My current diet goal therefore is to slim down to feel comfortable in my new tshirt...I will consider it a win when I feel comfortable enough to wear it out...not just to the gym (which I probably will wear it to because I need tshirts for the gym!) but actually out and about in public.

I know I still haven't posted any pictures of the new house (although that there piccy of me in my shirt is my bedroom!) but thats because it isn't quite finished yet...as soon as I am totally unpacked, I shall show you all!

Our home

My new living room!

We finally moved out of our dingy, damp little flat and into our first proper house!

We've only been here two full days, but we're already firmly settled in and unbelievably happy. So far, the stress I went through running up to the move has been very much worth it.

We've unpacked most of the boxes, but there is still quite a way to go. As soon as everything is in its place I will be sure to provide you with a little virtual tour! As for now I leave you with this tiny little update and bif you auf wiedersehen...I'm off up north tomorrow to finally see Rammstein! Expect much squealing and happiness from that when I get back to Liverpool!

The joys of moving

As you will know by my excited bleating, I am currently preparing to move house. Or rather, move from my tiny flat into an actual house.

This is turning out to be both more stressful and more expensive than first anticipated. We first got excited by the prospect of no deposit required (being that we are sticking with our same landlord) but the other expenses of course mount up. Not least of all because, for example, my kitchen wear has chosen this specific moment to start breaking down (a new set of pans required) or that, having moved the boxes and crates we were storing in our bedroom we realised the damp problem was way, way bigger than first thought, and whether through our actions causing the spores to be disturbed and spread or because of the very wet, cold weather we've had lately, the problem has litterally doubled in the space of a couple of weeks and has given us cause to basically "burn everything with fire" - new sheets for the bed, duvet and pillow sets etc...it all adds up!

I've managed to get rid of a lot of junk, which is great, yet the stuff I'm not getting rid of knows no end. I think this is more to do with the space premium in here than the ammount of stuff...with such little space to put things, things get a bit piled up, unorganized, stuffed into tiny nooks and crannies that I'd simply forgotten about. Rest assured FLY lady would be horrified to see me hold on to the ammount of crap I'm keeping, but I've tossed so much, and there's only so far I'm willing to toss right now!

As you might imagine I'm very stressed and my nerves are pretty frayed. Between packing and coping with the financial strain this has put us under I've had to take on extra responsibilities at work (part of the contract from the beginning now that I've been signed off of probation and am a fully trained member of the team as it were) which has affected my day to day routine, and ChildLine has been putting on all of its refresher training and workshops. Everything seems to be getting on top of me, so many things I need to remember, though I must be doing it well enough because I've yet to forget anything. I find it difficult to talk about because I feel like a whinging baby, this is after all what being a grown up is all about, right? The other week I had a phone assesment for counselling which my doctor is pressing me to take, and the attitude was so bad it reinforced my feeling whingy.

Of course all this stress and upset has a knock on effect and I've spent the past month or so basically in one big massive binge. I stopped even looking at the scale. I can feel it in myself, I've put so much weight back on. I'm trying to coax myself back into eating healthily, and on the whole my main meals are still very healthy and wholesome. It's everything I stuff in my face between times.

We all go through tough times. Times have been worse before now, I got through them and I'll get through this. I'm really dissapointed in myself for the over eating, but I will get control of it again no doubt. If I have to claw my way to my goals I will, with blood sweat and tears. But first things first, lets get into more comfortable surroundings.

I really cannot wait to be in my new home :)