Day Eight - A moment you felt most satisfied with your life

This was pretty much the most perfect day in my life. I know that probably seems really corny and predictable, but if you are happily married you understand, and if you're not then it's something you can only really come to understand when you do take the plunge. I expect that mothers would say the same about the love of their children. It may be cheesy to throw around lines like "They're my greatest achievement" but I suspect that it's something you need to experience to understand. 

The day, as a day compared to any other day, was far from perfect. Not everything went to plan, and yes by the end of it all I was feeling pretty tired and, you know, just wanted to collapse with exhaustion...but it was as close to perfect a day as any other in my life. I chose this picture because it is the entire family all together as it should be, and that in itself if something wonderful and perfect and entirely satisfying. Ultimately, that family that you see there is really what days like this are all about.

Day Seven - Your Zodiac Sign....

...and do I think it fits my personality?

 

"I'm Taurus the Bull and I'm really tough, I'm made of horns and hooves and stuff, I took Europa off to Crete, just because I think she's sweet" - some little rhyme I heard as a child. Couldn't tell you where I heard it or who wrote it though...

I'm Taurean. I can't say "I'm Taurus" because when I do, I inevitably think about that little rhyme. I don't know why but star signs seemed really important when I was very small. Every Saturday when we took my Gran her paper, we'd gather round the table and she'd "read our star signs" for us for the week out of said paper. We weren't being indoctrinated or anything like that, it was just a bit of fun. My mum and dad used tarot cards and visited psychics and all sorts at the time. I remember looking at a pack someone, my mum I think, had bought for my dad (I'm pretty sure it was my dad's anyway...the house we were living at the time I recall this would mean I'd have been no older than 8 years, so the exact details are pretty hazy) but I was so scared stiff of them. I'd been told in no uncertain terms that I could look at the pictures, but I was never, ever to touch tarot cards that did not belong to me unless I was having a reading, and I was much, much too young to have a reading done.

Yeah I have crazy psychological issues surrounding tarot cards :D

Anyway, I suppose it was inevitable that with mummy and daddy doing all this stuff, I really wanted to get in on the action too. Obviously I was, as said, much, much too young for tarot cards, so Astrology became my passion instead. I went through a stage of having to consult my scope every day before going to school.

Of course, nothing it promised ever really came true, but then I saw it in a much more litteral light as a child. If it says 'money is coming to you' on Saturday, and you don't get any money by bed time, then it pisses you off. Now I do still believe there's something to it, but I can see it through much more mature eyes. I still read my daily/monthly/weekly 'scope in magazines or online because it's fun to do so, but I see it as more as a tool for personal development and forseeing general trends than something to make absoloute assumptions about the future, or whether a couple is going to be a match. Indeed, the thing that a lot of people don't realise (and why would they, lets face it) is that "your sign" is just one dominant factor of your stars, and actually even to me, the thought of anyone making anything from that one little factor is completely laughable.

Anyway. My sign. Taurus. Is my personality a Taurean one?

As with everyone, I think some of the 'typical taurean' qualities, yes, I do possess. Just ask Ben how stubborn I can get. How much I love my food, love to be pampered, how much I hate change and just can't function if I don't have my routine, made by me, planned by me, and excecuted in my own good time. But just as there are some qualities I do possess, there are those that I don't. Reliable? Focussed? Organized?

Let's just say these are qualities I only wish in my wildest dreams that I possesed :D

Still, I think it's interesting how some of my more dominant traits are those traditionally associated with Taurus. Also, if I look at the people I keep around me, there are certain "coincidences" if you will...take this passage from good old Wikipedia for example...I first read this a few months ago and had to laugh....

"Generally, the natives of Taurus are considered to be romantically compatible with the natives of the other earth signs Virgo and Capricorn, and the natives of the water signs Cancer, Scorpio, and Pisces make ideal marriage candidates. Leo and Aquarius are signs of the other nature (masculine/extroverted), but as they share the same fixed quality, these two are considered potential soul mates as they embody traits that are missing and needed to fulfill Taurus."

Cancerians make ideal marriage candidates for Taurus...

 

Fear my crabs! Ahem...

Also, the whole Leo/Aquarius soulmate thing is interesting. If you prescribe to the very New Age view (that I do, so there) that soulmates are not in fact romantic partners but people you are...and I'm sorry but there's no way of putting this that doesn't make it sound like a whole load of twee hippie bollocks...somehow karmically involved with. Not necissarily the people who will make or break you, but people you must learn lessons from, people who you are destined to, in one way or another, spend serious time with...then that would make my life living in a family where I was the only person who wasn't a frigging Leo until my brother popped out...though, he did pop out under the sign of Cancer too, and right on the cusp of Leo...if he'd actually have been born when he was supposed to instead of making my mum rather ill, indeed he would have been Leo. And then my best friends from childhood have all been either Piscean or Aquarian. I can name a couple I know even now.

Anyway. It makes you think doesn't it.

If only everyone's life was as full as happy hippy coincidences as mine then we'd all hold hands singing "This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius"

Till later folks!

Day Six - Write 30 interesting facts about yourself

This could be difficult as I'd probably find it hard to dredge up 30 facts, let alone interesting ones, beyond the obvious "well I'm female..." but I will try to make this as interesting as possible.

1) I have strange toes. Ben litterally just piped this up and we've just had a very interesting conversation about it. Anyhow, it appears he is quite freaked out by the shape of my little toe. He likens it to a dewclaw. This, I find, to be quite amusing and interesting.

2) Whilst I love my chocolate, I am in fact a fiend for savoury food. Salty, cheesy, meaty, yum yum.

3) That said, my tongue requires balance. If I have too much savoury, I have to balance it out with sweet. It is much easier, for me, to unbalance my flavours and eat too much sweet however, which is probably why I consider myself to prefer savoury flavours.

4) I'm not a geordie, and don't consider myself as such. I was born in County Durham and lived there for the first 18 years of my life. This is not in geordie territory. I have never lived in Newcastle. Still, people who don't know me and who aren't aquainted with the nuances of the north eastern accent do refer to me as a geordie, which doesn't annoy me much until I have to explain that I don't know such and such a place in Newcastle because I've actually only been a handful of times in my life, usually for very specific purposes.

5) I was a member of the RSPB's young ornithologists club as a child, as I was very much concerned with the welfare of our birdies. I loved them, still do. For my 8th birthday my Gran "bought me a goose". In other words she adopted a Nene goose from the Washington branch of the Wildfowl and Wetland Trust on my behalf. I didn't get anything else, except this certificate saying I'd adopted a goose called Bonnie. I didn't understand what adopting was all about, and I considered her to be all mine. A couple of years later I recieved a letter saying that Bonnie had died. I cried and cried. It was quite traumatic...

6) My concern for our feathered friends grew into a wider reaching concern that we should probably stop shitting all over the world, and this involved me becoming a member of Greenpeace. Far from it being all shady and full of hard core activists, for me my campaigning with Greenpeace at various events and for various causes were some of the best times of my life. For various reasons this support eventually tailored off. Regaining a passion for this again, I have considered looking back in on them, but fear being dragged into campaigns that I wouldn't necissarily agree with.

7) I went for years unable to even smell pasta without feeling mildly nauseous. Thankfully, Ben's gentle coaxing has enabled me to stomach it to the point of actually relishing it now. Carbonara is one of my favourite meals these days :D

8) The same cannot be said about rice. Rice pudding I love but savoury, plain rice...the smell of it cooking makes me wretch. Ben has tried to tempt me into the world of rice much as he did with pasta, but to no avail. It makes me feel so ill. Even a grain or two in my mouth and...eugh...I'm gonna leave it there...

9) I play the flute. I still do, when no one is home. I'm much too embarrased to do it infront of everyone. When I stopped my lessons (because my teacher was being done for fraud and the replacement was sub par) everyone in our local musical community basically shunned me. Apparently you need to be actively partaking in lessons to be able to pick up a damned instrument and play it at all. It left me feeling pretty sub par myself, so I'm not really into playing infront of people. It's nice to still do it though

10) When I was a child, I drew maps of "pretendy" places with magical forests. I had piles and piles and piles of them stuffed into sketchpads and note books. They served no real purpose, I just liked to draw maps and imagine what kind of people would live in the different places.

11) I love maps, and aside from my pretendy maps I had maps of the world and of Britain and all kinds of places in my bedroom. Nowadays we have in my living room two maps of Middle Earth, another pretendy map that was drawn by Ben (for his writing, you understand) and a satellite image of Britain covered in ice from the cold snaps we had last year taken from a newspaper. I have a map of the world stored away somewhere, but I don't want it to ge ruined and curled so I'm waiting to have the money for a poster frame, and the space to hang it somewhere nice.

12) I don't see what all the big fuss with chinese food is. I mean yeah it's tasty, and I do enjoy it (without the rice lol) but I don't understand why people go so bonkers over it

13) Pancakes (English style, which I think people over in the America's would call French style Crepe, but anyway) are one of my favourite treats ever in the world, but thanks to my upbringing I actually feel really really guilty if I have them any other day of the year except Pancake Day (as it is known in England amongst the masses...it is known throughout the world, however, mainly to other Christians, as 'Shrove Tuesday'). As you may imagine, I am really really very much looking forward to this Tuesday coming :D

14) Being that Pancakes are a once a year treat and thus something quite special to be made a fuss of, I cannot for the life of me abide by people buying ready made pancake mix. I mean, seriously, how hard is it to make pancake mix? You mix up some flour with egg and milk and any seasoning you want and there you have it! Not exactly rocket science! This is one of the few things I'm actually really pompous and elitist about.

15) It really annoys me when I mention in passing that my first pet, a rabbit, was called Nibbler, and people go "aww just like on futurama". No. Not just like on futurama. I was 3. Futurama did not exist!

16) Four years ago I would have laughed you off if you suggested I would possibly ever watch something like Ugly Betty. Now I love it. I also love Desperate Housewives. Worse yet, I even started watching Eastenders. My 20 year old self would hate the me I have become. My current self, however, loves me :D

17) I used to be one of those teeny musical elitists, back in the day when I was in sixth form, though it pains me to admit it. If it wasn't on Kerrang, it didn't matter. These days, I can understand where my teenage self was coming from and I can tolerate it in younger folk, to a point. It bloody annoys me to find people my age who are still like that though, as if trying to prove a point about "the kinds of things they like". In a way I'm still a musical elitist. If you are over the age of 20 but your tastes are so narrow that you can't buy a CD that doesn't come from one specific aisle at the music store (which you naturally gravitate to each and every time you visit), I don't want to talk to you about music.

18) Truth be told it doesn't really matter anyway since I don't actually pay much attention to what other people think about music anyway these days, and I rarely talk about it other than "oh, I like them". Considering I used to be so passionate about it, it's quite a turn around for me, one that I don't know what to think of.

19) I like Twilight. Nay, I love it. I am waiting with baited breath for the next film. If you don't like it...that's cool...just let me be and move along, cheers...

20) I think one of the most important qualities anyone can have is to be able to take the piss out of themselves and what they hold dear. People take themselves way too seriously these days, and it causes a lot of stress and hurt. This doesn't give you a free license to rip it out of other people though, unless you have that kind of relationship of course.

21) My favourite feel good film of all time when I just need to watch something to cheer me up is "My Big Fat Greek Wedding". I have watched it countless times. It just makes me feel happy and shiney and lovey.

22) Me and my best friend in Primary School (when we were about 5 or 6 years old) used to play "Tina Turner and Diana Ross". We used to fight about who got to be Diana Ross, because she had the prettiest voice. He usually won.

23) Speaking of said best friend, I was always really jealous because he had the prettiest and newest My Little Ponies. That really pissed me off.

24) I can fold the tip of my tongue into the shape of a clover. Kind of. I shall have to take a picture to show what I mean. Not right now though :p

25) I prefer women to men, but I can't deal with being in a relationship with women. For probably all the same bad stereotypes that men use against women...this makes me feel kind of traitorous, like I'm perpetuating all the bad stereotypes about my geneder, but thankfully I'm married so I don't have to worry about it!

26) I have the names picked out for 5 baby girls and 3 baby boys. If I have any more than this, I will be screwed! Of course, what Ben thinks is completely irrelevant :p

27) It used to take a long time to get me annoyed. These days it seems that if someone looks at me the wrong way I will explode. I hope to someday (soon) regain that inner tranquility...lol

28) I'm no good with land dwelling invertebrates. Euch. Noooo keep them away...cannot be dealing with them...Aquatic invertebrates, however, I find quite endearing...

29) My dad kind of looks like Patrick Stewart. Or at least, he did to the eyes of a little girl who watched Star Trek TNG with him every night. So I kinda get emotional when Cpt. Piccard gets shit for whatever reason. Yes, I know it's completely irrational. Just deal with it.

30) I like playing The Sims because I like to play God with their pathetic little lives. It's quite sad really...

Day Five...and also, what the hell dude?

Ok so today's challenge is to write about a time you wanted to end your own life. Sweetheart, if I had to write about that we'd be here all day, so I'm going to redirect you to this other post which deals with a similar theme and in the meantime tell you about a time that I nearly ended the life of someone else. Someone I've never met. Someone I will never meet and will never have to deal with. Thank God.

The hubby and I, as you may have previously gleaned from my blog, are currently in the housing market for somewhere that isn't in Anfield, and is bigger than our flat. Also, not suffering with the damp, and at a reasonable price given circumstances. We're not too picky, we're not expecting Buckingham Palace or anything like that. All we ask is that the cieling isn't caving in, insulation isn't littering the floor, that mould monsters aren't encroaching on lunch.

So I found this house online. It was £325 a month. Immediately I'm thinking, ok, it's not going to be anything special...but hey, I'd be a fool to turn my nose up at it for that price without at least investigating it further, right? The pictures show a small but bright house that we could concievably move into, in an area which we are relatively well aquainted with. It's not too far from the house we used to live in. I call up for a viewing and they are a lovely bunch. 12 o clock on Saturday.

I'm looking at the clock, it's now 1 o clock. We looked around, left, got a bus back and had a good long talk with our current land lord in the time since we first stepped into that house. And it took her a good 5 minutes just to try and open the door.

Ok so once the lady, who was lovely don't get me wrong, and quite as shocked as we were, finally prized open the door, we were greeted with the smell of moulding plaster. That was before we set foot into the house and nearly went through the floor...I swear to God, it wouldn't suprise me if, beneath the laminate flooring, the foundations of that house were built on decomposing bodies. It was certainly both squishy and uneven enough! Tiptoeing past the mountain of letters accumulating dust in the hallway, we came into the open living room/lounge and were greeted with...

Aah, not too bad, not too bad.

If that's what we'd seen. That chimney breast? Wallpapered. And the big deal? Well, in between this photo being taken and 12 o clock midday today, that perfectly nicely painted chimney breast has been papered over, and then the paper has begun to peel away and mould. Quite substantially. One of the women who was viewing the place with us asked if the fire had a safety inspection certificate. She gave it a quick look over...and the front of it fell off. Oh dear...

So we move on to the kitchen...

Ok, even from this picture we weren't expecting much from the kitchen, but hey, there's room there for a washing machine and an oven and what not. Yes?

Well indeed, inbetween the time that this picture was taken and 12 o clock this afternoon, that kitchen is no more. It has been ripped out, and replaced with a brand new kitchen suite. Fantastic :D. Um, no. Not fantastic. It's a half done job. The whole lot is covered in plaster dust, the walls themselves are bare except for the new plaster...the new plaster is moulding! And the best bit? You can see up through the ceiling into the bathroom!

Speaking of the bathroom...

Well, that's not too bad, is it? I mean, it's not brilliant but...

But oh wait, where did those tiles dissapear to? And the side of the bath? And the...you know...the floor? I can see someone downstairs looking at the kitchen...

So anyway. It may not suprise you to find that, after having seen these pictures and thinking "mm, well that looks fairly liveable" and looking forward to possibly be moving into such a place relatively soon being that the website on which it is featured says "Available Now!" written everywhere, we weren't happy. Infact, we were bloody pissed off that we'd even bothered to take the time to come out there. That bus money could have been ice cream, dammit! Ice Cream!

The estate agent was, herself, rather shocked. When we first went in and our fellow viewers asked about it being decorated properly, she said well, if you want that you can request it when you make an offer. We then shimmied off upstairs to take a looksee at the bedrooms/bathroom (by the way, I didn't realise that fiber glass insulation worked just as well spilling out of the cieling and all over the first floor coridoor) and by the time we came back down she'd had a good look around herself (Apparently it was a new property for the agency and this was the first time she'd been in) and her tune had changed to "well, you can put an offer in, but this is going to need a lot of work before we can actually let you in".

Now, granted whoever it is who owns that house is not our landlord and things could be much worse if we were already living there, being neglected by a landlord who just doesn't care, but it just cheeses me off. Does this guy really think people will look at his photo's and not play spot the difference? I'm sure your dinky little house was once lovely...doesn't mean it is now! Come back from Portugal and do your work!

So yes. There was a wasted morning, but hey, we live on. As luck would have it we bumped into our current landlord on the way back, who informed us he would soon have a house on the market that he'd keep us in mind for when it became available, and it's in our budget too so fingers crossed it will come available soon and it turns out to be nice ^_^.

For now we keep on hunting around.

Day Four - Your Views on Religion

Otherwise known as "the one that winds everyone up". I thought it may be best to, you know, side step this one, pretend to go over it, but then...why should I? Despite religion, spirituality, theology etc being one of my greatest interests, and many a drunk conversation has been had over such things, I don't actually think I've expressed in a very coherent way what it is I think of it all, other than trying to reassure people I'm not a bonkers religious nutter who thinks you're all going to hell for not, I dunno, whipping yourself over every "bad" thing it is you've done.

But before I wind you all up, speaking of religion and all, if you are the type who prays, pray for me for Monday because I have the first of a set of interviews for a job that could really really do me some good, on a number of levels. Including getting me out of this here flat and into college. So, ya know. I'll be praying away between now and then, and any intervention from anyone else can only help :D

Ok now onto the meat of it. My views on religion. Well. Where to begin?

First off, I don't think what your religion is is of huge importance, and I can imagine that in some people this will cause some huge gasps of shock and horror. I know not all my friends think this. I think that as much as we insignificant beings would love to think we know the will of God "because He deigned to show us through his works" we actually know sweet shag all. We can barely understand each other, let alone this magnificent big dude in the sky. Heck, aside from texts scrawled down out of a desert tradition that bloomed and grew and evolved into the current stock of Abrahamic religions and all the different sects therein, there is no conclusive theological evidence to suggest there is a big magical dude in the sky. Until the dawn of Christianity, which was may I remind you once just another small Jewish tradition borne out of a time of immense political turmoil, and Islam following the same footsteps, polytheistic religion was the norm and monotheism, whilst undeniably having had raised its head from time to time, was actually something quite perculiar.

So religion as we know it today is quite terrifically far fetched from that of our ancestors. There are other examples of how this can be expressed in more than just "hey, where did all this 'one almighty creator God' shit come from?" but for now, this serves as an adequate enough example of why I'm not predisposed to necissarily take up the "The Bible tells us everything we need to know about God without fault" flag.

Now, I'm not trying to paint Christians as the bad guys here for coming along and smashing up the peaceful harmonious polytheistic religions that existed and replacing it with their dogma. Of course, I would be in my right to do so. We Christians have done this in the most brutal and horrific ways imaginable. And, you know, frankly it's not as if the Pagan religions of the time were exactly the all loving hippies that some Neo Pagans today like to make us think they were. Druids today may not practise human sacrifice, but, you know, times change. And my view on religion is that just as times change, society changes, people change, the world changes. The very Universe around us changes, all of the time. Nothing remains the same. Why should religion remain stuck in the past?

Religion has become so dogmatic today and a vocal few are afraid of change, for fear that it will invoke the wrath of God. But if Gods own creation is changing every day, I'm pretty sure God, in whatever form this God truly is or isn't, isn't going to piss all over you because you are more "liberal". Look accross the vast majority of the faithful people of the world. Where God is present, so is the wish to do good, to please God, to nurture and protect His creation, to take care of one another. If God truly is this one, unique being known only to, for example, Christians, whose message was revealed only to them, then isn't it amazing that his message of love and compassion and nurturing has not only translated to the faiths of those who may barely even recognise the sign of the cross but apparently has been passed to them by their own Gods who are so otherwise far fetched from Yaweh of the Jews that they are barely recognisable to western eyes.

Is it not possible, in that we know so little of the being(s) we call "God" that actually we have overlooked the similarities, the core of love and compassion that resonates throughout humanity through faith and without, and instead the greedy few have grasped to the differences that give them an excuse to march upon another people and take what is theirs by force. What if, all along, we were all worshiping the same thing? The same creative force that sparks the life force within our souls? What if all of our dogma and rules and "them vs us" attitudes are all just the outward cultural expressions, tainted by our animalistic instincts for conquest and territorial expansion, of the lighter, spiritual spark within each and every one of us?

I'm happy to say that today I live in a country where, despite what the popularist tabloids would have you believe, we are surrounded by tolerance and understanding. Not every man woman or child on our beautiful planet has the benefit of this. Living in such a society, I see more and more the similarities between cultures than differences. The differences that do exist are superficial at best. Often, the greatest differences in culture are more to do with geographical implications than divine will, but at the core of our beings, I truly believe we are fundamentally the same. We all feel our loyalties to our own and strength and unity of the family. We become upset when we are betrayed and when the family breaks down. It is the desire to prevent such things that wrote the rules of contemporary religion, but as we grow as a society and are better able to look after each other we find these rules have less and less signficiance. Divorce, for example, whilst techinically still frowned upon by the religious community at large, is accepted more and more as we grow to understand that the world is not black and white and love and lust are two powerful forces quite seperate and unique to each other, both to be respected for the powers they play on the human psyche.

We need to accept that given the small ammount of time we each inhabit our world, we will never be able to experience all there is, as sad and as frustrating as this is. If we cannot hope to understand even our own planet, then what hope is there to understand the universe and its great conductor(s)? All we can do is follow that spiritual urge within to whatever end it brings us. Some will reject the notion of Spirituality altogether, and I find it laughable that anyone could feel that God would be offended by such people. Others will find that spiritual urge to lead them not to God but to an understanding of the harmonious clockwork of the universe. Some find truth in the knowlege and wisdom passed from generations gone before, taking the thought that if it aint broke why fix it. Some fumble along trying to find new and seemingly strange ways to connect with God that can seem alien and frightening to, well, just about everyone else! Others find simple succor in quiet contemplative prayer whilst down the road, bretheren of the same faith find that same comfort from a mass outpouring of collective thanks and praise in such a way as would alarm anyone who is not initiated to these practises of worship.

But do any of us really understand what it is we are worshipping? Uncertainty abounds in each of us on some level or another, and resentment when fellow humans break bonds of trust to take advantage of our vulnerability, the vulnerability which comes from the very fact that we don't know for sure, however sure we may be that we're "onto something".

To conclude. Come on people, we all just want the same thing at the end of the day. Lets stop being dick heads about it and get on with what it is we have to do. We don't have to subjugate anyone else or torture or starve them. We have to be nice, and kind and loving, and set a good example for the kids, so that they don't have to live in a world of fear. Does anyone want that for their kids? I don't! Religion can be the perfect framework for instilling this sense of morality. It is not, however, the only way. Each man and woman needs to find their way. The world is not black and white, there is no absoloute good nor absoloute evil. Give a man a fishing trawler and his family need not starve nor go without, but at what cost to the world? A horrible, horrible cost. We have to just do our best with the tools we've been given, the intellects that we supposedly posses, and when we pass away and go on to the next stage of our existence we have to hope we can look God in the eye and say yeah...I really did do my best...

Or maybe not. I hear if a man should look upon the face of God, they will pretty much be fucked, but hey.

Should anyone be wondering yes I am religious. I'm Catholic. I just, ya know, like to think God isn't as big a douchebag as some fellow Christians would have you believe. All loving God? Yes but by whose standards?

xxx

Day Three - Your views on Drugs and Alcohol

A young girl wanders into her fathers study. He's sat infront of the computer, relaxing as he plays some game. Mother is in the kitchen, ironing and dancing around in that way she always does, singing along to radio 2. Little sister is busy playing with barbies, but barbies don't really cut it for her any more. She's bored, and no one is paying attention to her.

The study is dark, lit only by the bright glaring desk lamp pointed up at the creamy coloured wall. The light is bounced off in every direction, casting long, low shadows and giving everything an eerie, amber glow. Father lifts something to his lips, and the dancing light plays in the golden liquid contained within. It looks pretty, nothing like she's ever really seen before. It's not clear like her favourite lemonade, but it's much too pale to be orange juice. It must be special, which of course means that it must be absoloutely delicious.

"What's that you're drinking daddy?" she asks, eyes fixated on the globe like glass.

"It's wine. It pickles your brain."

"Why does it do that?"

"Because it has alcohol in it."

Alcohol. She's heard of alcohol before. All things bad are connected to alcohol. Alcohol is brown, and comes in red cans labelled "Duff" and makes Homer Simpson go a little bit silly. It makes people sad and upset. But this wine, this is everything completely opposite to that. It's like a jewel, so pretty to behold, and father seems to be really enjoying it. He isn't sad or silly like Homer Simpson at all.

"How much alcohol does it have?" she asks. There can't be much. If there was that much, surely daddy wouldn't be drinking it. He doesn't do silly things like that. Maybe just a little bit isn't so bad after all.

"About twelve percent"

"Um...how much is that?"

Father, eyes still fixed on the game, explains...if you took all of the drink and divided it up into one hundred equal pieces, then twelve of those pieces would be alcohol. She looks intently at the glass, trying to picture this, but she was never any good with numbers and she can't picture what just twelve little pieces out of a hundred would be. She looks back up at father for more direction.

"Well, that's about..." he points to an invisible line in the glass denoting this magical number twelve "that much is alcohol."

"That doesn't seem very much. Can I try some?" she asks eagerly. To her young mind, what her father has just shown is that all of the alcohol is at the very bottom of the glass, and if she is very careful she will only get to drink the sweet sweet none alcoholic juice floating around in the top of the glass. Her eyes sparkle with delight and anticipation as she waits for a response from father.

"Well alright but I don't think you'll like it"

Not like it? If father likes it, why wouldn't she like it too? Besides, how could something so exotic looking and beautiful be anything but absoloutely delicious? Everyone knew that strawberries were the most beautiful food in the world, and they were just divine. Oh, and cherries. Cherries were pretty and tasty too. She reaches out her little hand and grasps the glass, bringing it carefully to her lips to sip at the ambrosia. She has heard other grown ups talk about wine. They say it's made from grapes, and tastes of peaches or citrus fruits. Not that she really knows what defines a citrus fruit. But fruit is good. And grapes are nice. So deliciously sweet and...

"EEEEEWWWWWWW! Daddy, how can you drink that stuff?"

Thus I tasted my first sip of wine. It was a ritual that would be played out many times. Dad would, on occasion, treat himself to a bottle of wine and I would inevitably become entranced by the idea of it. It was so very grown up. But always in the back of my mind played the terrible thought that "alcohol is bad" fuelled by stern warnings from my grandmother, and reinforced by shows such as the Simpsons. But my curiosity always got the better of me, and in the end I grew up into someone who can really appreciate a glass of wine over dinner. I can even more appreciate less err...refined drinks...on a night out. But those occasions are rare, and it has brought me to the point now where I will just as likely order a coke at the bar as I will an alcoholic drink.

But as for drink and drugs on the whole...well it's like I said yesterday when I was musing over the discussion I'd had with my dietician and I said it there...everything in moderation.

Life is a tremendously complex thing. Just about everything that we need to survive, that is essential for us to survive, can and will and does kill us if too much is taken. Taking the whole dieting thing as an example here...people doing the weight loss rounds at MFP are constantly freaking out over their water consumption...yes, plentiful water is not only healthy and good for us but can contribute to weight loss but then you hear horror stories of water intoxication. On the same note, a more obvious one I suppose given that particular train of thought, is obviously food itself. If you eat any food in great enough quantities you'll end up packing on the pounds and look all around us, people are dying every day from too much food (as sick as this is given the situation in countries where there just isn't enough to go around...but I digress...)

This of course doesn't just work for things that benefit us. Alcohol and other drugs (but for the sake of ease, from henceforth in just kinda crammed into the category of alcohol), yes, like food and water, will kill us. In much much smaller ammounts, and over a much shorter span of time, absoloutely. But in tiny doses, whilst it may not be theraputic, beneficial on any measurable level, once again I reiterate...Life is complex. You cannot just pigeon hole us into the category of "sentient water skin". We have needs and desires and we each can experience the world on so many different levels. Alcohol may not exactly be the greatest medicine around, but it has other benefits, benefits that don't really line up in quite the same way as the benefits of pure water. It serves a completely different purpose.

The thing is, these benefits aren't necissarily requirements for life, and so people start getting picky. If we don't need them why tolerate their harmful effects? I can understand where these people are coming from, especially when, like food, we can see that people can't just take it in moderation and leave it be. Dissecting "other drugs" away from alcohol once more now, obviously some drugs are much more likely to become addictive than others, and in a much more harmful way. And even then there are so many different shades of grey...nicoteine, for example, is a massively addictive drug, but because it is socially acceptable and causes less crime...perhaps ravages he body a little less obviously at first than heroin...no freaky mind bending effects...it isn't necissarily seen as a horrendously bad thing. At worst, it is generally considered a "disgusting habit" than the "slow and horrifically painful way to kill yourself" that it is.

And of course, at best, all drugs to one person or another have the label "cool" for one reason or another.

So anyway...rambling over...I don't think you can pin down all drugs and all alcohol in one neat category and say "bam, definitive, this is it" and with that, decide that they should all be either prohibited or legalized. Each has its own merits, each has its own downfalls. I think it is of the greatest importance to inform and educate our children at a young age of the effects of such things. Like my dad, who did not forbid the wine, but let me have a little sip of it just to try. Had he forbidden it, who knows, I may well have ended up the biggest Lush on the street. Forbidden fruit and all. I think that, for some drugs, the very fact that they are illegal is the biggest initial temptation for some people.

Take away the mystery and bare it down to the raw flesh and bones of the matter though, truthfully, the good with the bad, and perhaps things wouldn't get so bad? I'm not saying that's the answer to all of our problems, but as with all things, so much is said, so much is passed from person to person, so many rumours and mysteries. A little honest truth to our children wouldn't go amiss. Like the child with the wine...if it's so bad like everyone says, why do people do it? It must have something very good about it to counteract all of these bad things...

As for whether I agree or disagree with people taking drugs...not all drugs were created equal, each has its own effects, its own pro's and con's, and I think it's up to everyone to make their own decisions based on the truth of the matter. It's not up to me to dictate or judge. I've made my decision to, on the whole, lead a relatively alcohol and drug free life (except for celebrations and social events where it is honestly just nice to have a drink), for the sake of my own health, my pocket, my partaking in legal society, and because, honestly, I don't like my mind to be too foggy. I like to be clear and focussed.

Because, you know, I cock up enough as it is when I'm NOT under the influence :p

Day 2 - Where you'd like to be in 10 years

I'd love to be living in a house with a dining room, enough bedrooms to keep everyone happy, a nice spacious bathroom, I'd have at least 2 little ones running around my feet, I'd have finally completed my education (in whatever form that takes) and be earning enough to live comfortably and not have to worry if a rainy day comes along.

Not too much to ask for I hope ^_^

Saw the dietician today. I've maintained my weight since our last weigh in, but she was happy with that because of the trip up north and the steroids I've been on etc... she was very encouraging. She doesn't seem to be a huge advocate of this whole low carb business though, even with having PCOS...and to be honest, after she told me what she thought, I came home and indulged in a yummy bowl of cereal and the headache that's been plaguing me all morning decided to finally leave me alone.

I think I have a problem with extremes, and this is what has caused me to be as humongous as I am. Only with this I tried to go the complete other way. Moderation...yes...moderation...that is the key...
so the plan of attack now is much more veg in general (which I wasn't doing too bad with!) and cereal for breakfast again...but my dinners weren't too bad anyway from what we've disgused. Ah well, good to see I've been getting something right :D

Ah well it seemed like a good idea to begin with. One that may be revisited at a later date...or not. Hopefully this was the impetus I needed to get back on track again. And once my lungs have sorted themselves out again (which I think they nearly have, they just need to recover from this awful cough that's a remnant of the cold that started it all off in the first place) I can start working out again.

Oooh come on Bex, you really really can do this!