Hey guys!

I know it's hard to believe, but I am indeed still alive! I thought it's about time I dropped a line since I have been a truly terrible blogger recently.

I've been very busy, though not necissarily with anything "blog worthy". Things are still getting set up in the house, though we're mostly there. I really need to get a few extra picture hooks, but the place is already feeling more like a home than "the new house".

And what home would be complete without a family pet? Ben has pledged that I can finally get my pet Cockatiel ^_^ I'm so happy! I can't wait to bring him/her home and train them and play with them...I may even feature them in my very first Vlog. Perhaps if I'm totally overwhelmed with pet-ernal love for it, I'll vlog it often with all the tricks I'm so obviously going to teach it...

In other news, I started C25K on Wednesday. It was something I was always very cautious about doing as I'm sure any obese wannabe runner would be (both self concious about my appearence and worried about my health), but I started in the gym on the treadmill on Wednesday and today I completed week one in our local park. Sadly I have the flimsiest pair or trainers in the world, bought out of sheer necessity when I was skint and my old pair were bust and they offer no support whatsoever. As a result my ankles are aching and I'm getting worrisome shin pain (not a huge ammount but it's there) at the end of my runs. I'm concerned about progressing whilst I'm still getting this, so for now I'm going to repeat week one, in and out of the gym, and go for week two when I get my running shoes (my birthday present from my lovely mummy).

All that said, I'm not going to be blogging about it here. I've got a lot to say and journal and complain about regarding fitness and diet and what not, so I've started a new blog dedicated to it (finally!) and Adventures can go back to journaling my day to day adventures in life for posterity and family and whoever else may be interested.

Between falling in love with my local park (I'm a huge bird fan and it has lakes full of ducks and geese) preparing for my birthday party and getting excited over my upcoming addition to the family, I have quite a bit to blog about in the next month or so. I can't wait to give my new camera a spin and share all the fun I'm going to be having, so do stick around!

Happy Blogoversary to me!

It was my "blogoversary" yesterday and I totally forgot because right now, as you may or may not have guessed, I have a lot of things to juggle, organise, sort out etc...

More so than I did at new years I'm thinking back at the year that has been, possibly because I started this blog for a very specific reason, but that reason is now completely irrelevant and I find myself in a position I could never have guessed at this time last year.

Instead of being ensconced in the North East as we had planned, we're still in Liverpool but finally in the process of upgrading our castle to a larger model. Ben was (thank God) not made redundant after all and is still in his same job, whilst I find myself employed in an area I never imagined I'd ever be employed in (it's not that exciting...just not what you would think of immediately for me!) and, surprisingly, enjoying it. I've made new friends and reconnected (however loosely) with old ones. I'm the lightest weight I've been in years, although the going is a constant struggle and very slow. I now eat mostly fresh home cooked meals from scratch (ok, minus the odd packet of ready chopped onion because I'm lazy) as opposed to the pie and chips of this time last year (which I justified with "it's still under my calories!"). I exercise. I have a freaking gym membership! I volunteer my time freely to a cause I believe in passionately in an area I'd love to eventually build my career in. I'm in the process of getting back to college to get the qualifications to forge that career and have been invited to a skills assesment (though I'm having to wait for a new date...that whole being employed thing can get in the way!). I'm more confident, more self assured, more me living a life that whilst is not perfect is not out of control. I no longer merely exist, but I have take control and am steering things in the right direction and I'm doing it my way. Not my mothers or my friends or anyone else I've tried to pander to in the past. This is all Bex, baby.

Oh, and Ben, but he said I can decorate the house however I like so I guess that makes up for any influences he may have over my life in general!

I hate to be gushy and cheesy...nah, I don't, I love being gushy and cheesy! I'm not the biggest interactor in the blogosphere, I'm actually a quiet and shy person and I don't comment very much...I struggle to come up with replies, but I try to spread out and offer comments when I can think of them! But anyway...you can think this absoloute BS if you like or you may think it's over sentimental or just a load of old tripe, but I want you all to know that either through your comments or through your blogs which I have been following (and lurking upon, even if not commenting) and through having this blog in general to put things down in writing, have that space to think and read it all back, having challenges to do with like minded people who offer support...through all of this, it played a very big role in shaping me over the past year, in spurring me on to take control and make my life what it is today.

Like I said...you can believe me or not, or you can say I'm full of nonsense, why did I need a blog to do it, the blog did nothing, the blog was just here. But it's true :)

Basically what I'd like to say is...

Thanks, guys :)

Win a Kenwood Smoothie Maker to Go

I'm coming up to my first blogoversary. Indeed, I do believe it is the 24th January.

Before I started my epic blogging adventure, I never really read blogs, and as well you know I started this one as a bit of a me and mine only. Alas, the world of blogging is a vast and many splendid thing, and in this seemingly ridiculously short year I've been dragged into many a challenge, community, whatever. Some I've passed with flying colours, and some I've failed miserably. Remember that photo challenge I signed up for at the beginning of the month? Hardy har!

But right up until now I've never signed up to a giveaway. It's one of my 101 in 1001 blogging goals to host one, so I thought I'd better see how it is to be on the other end first ;) But I'm not one for entering any old carp (glub glub). This is no flimsy little gift from a blog who wishes only for self promotion. Nay lads and lassies. This is a smoothie maker.

A smoothie maker to go.

Indeed, it is a kenwood smoothie maker to go.

Why am I so thrilled about this? You've all seen the piccies from my kitchen in the summer when I did my big clean out. It is tiny. It occupies the slightest little corner of my living room. If you have not seen them, then here is one;

You see that thing that looks like a microwave with hobs and knobs in the background? That's my oven. It's a brilliant little thing, don't get me wrong, we made Christmas dinner in it and it was a damn fine Christmas dinner at that! But my point is...I have no room for real, full sized kitchen utensils. My space is limited, and it's frustrating because I can only achieve so much with what I've got to hand.

This may well be just me, but if I had my hands on one of those there smoothie makers, it would become like many things in this here little flat of mine; multi functional. Smoothies, yes, delicious as they are, would grace my smoothie maker, sweetned with honey and thickened with the most delectable of 0% fat greek yoghurts. I'm drooling already. But also soups, purees and juices, all would I spin out of this pint sized wonder. What is a happy little gym gadget for some would mean a whole new lease of life in the kitchen to me.

So here's the deal. Check out Rebecca at Weight Wars and see what you think. And enter your little self on in there. Men and women of tiny little kitchens, take heed, and dream yourself up the wonders you could create with such an awesome little gadget.

And Rebecca, I know it's all randomised and everything....but please please please please please pick me!

Something you adore

I had to plan ahead, in a way, with this photo. It would have been so easy to give you another picture of mister Ben! But if I did that, he'd probably be popping up every other day of this here photo challenge, so instead I give you...

A clock!

Please excuse the dust!

Of course this is a very lovely clock, and was a gift for our engagement from Ben's aunt (she seems to have my personality and likes down to a fine art!) which gives it a lot of sentimental value anyhow, but it's the birdy on top that is what I adore.

I love birds, and when I finally get into a place where I have a bit more free reign over the design the place will be practically an aviary.

Birds can be graceful, stupid, clever, ugly, magnificently beautiful, clumsy, clutzy, bright, dull...but always, always quirky, and they can all reduce you to feeling like a dumbass when they turn their heads in that way that they do and fix their beady little eyes on you.

They're like fish, but there's something a bit more sentient about them. I think it's because they have a little bit more movement in their faces than fish. You can also have a cuddle with a bird. You can't with a fish.

Happiness in 2012

Well they say to start the year as you mean to go on...so in this case, productively!

I've signed myself up for two challenges this month. Well, one is for this month and the other is for the entire year. A year seems a long time to think about but when I think that this year I'll be celebrating my third (yes, THIRD!!!) wedding anniversary (holy cow, where did the time fly to?) a year really isn't that much.

The first challenge is from the wonderful Rebecca over at Weight Wars, who never fails to come up with wonderful ways of keeping us challenged and motivated! This year she's going back to basics and offering up a little pearl of wisdom of what really helped her to get into the right place to start losing weight the right way. I'm not going to go into too much detail about what it entails and why here because you can find out all about the Happiness Project over at her blog, so if the following lists confuse you and you really need to know, go check it out!

Happiness Project 2012: My own personal guiding principles in life

1. Remember that small victories add up into big victories
2. Eat well 
3. Make time for friends
4. Enjoy what you do
5. Just because someone else thinks it's a drag doesn't mean you have to!
6. Go forth and be creative
7. Always have some kind of goal to work towards; if the big one seems unachievable, make a smaller one to get you on the way
8. Actions make things happen, so just go and do it!
9. Don't change your priorities just because someone else thinks you have them all wrong

The rules of adulthood

1. The best way of building trust and reaping the rewards is to fulfill your responsibilities, whether those be to your boss or to your friends
2. Friends can be just as important as family
3. Sleep is a precious commodity
4. You have to give to others before they will give to you
5. Some people are poisonous to you and need to be cut from your life for your own benefit; but remember that to someone else they are more precious than diamonds
6. Treat everyone as an individual who is the result of their own, unique experiences; their outlooks, relationships and priorities are not the same as yours, but their feelings and needs are no less valid
7. You must respect yourself if you expect anyone else to
8. A year can make a world of difference

January Resolutions - Vitality

1. Get to bed no later than eleven
2. Eat your meals regularly
3. Get to the gym twice a week
4. Make a to do list each day and stick to it
5. Get back into the chores routine

Challenge number two is a little less introspective than this...a playful, light hearted challenge in which you take a photo a day. Sadly for you guys, the first photo is a photo of me, and today I have bummed around doing nothing in particular and generally feeling delicate and sorry for myself after last nights frivolities. For this reason, I've kept it till last. Happy new year!

Killing time...

Two blog entries in the space of two days? I know, it's been a while...but everything was a bit put on hold yesterday (suffering greatly with a headache, wooziness and generally feeling sorry for myself after my dual with a steel shutter) and today I thought hey...why not write a little of my adventures recently, being that this is called "Adventures with Bex" after all?

Well, recently my adventures have mostly revolved around my Xbox. I wouldn't class myself as a big gamer, but every now and then there is a game that sucks away at my personal time until I get bored of it, and it pretty much takes over my entire mind. The last game was specifically the multiplayer aspect of Assassins Creed Brotherhood, and before that it was any number of The Sims games and variations thereof. Inbetween it all has been Oblivion, which popped up in my life from time to time and sucked me up before I got bored of playing it over for the ten millionth time (and I've still not played it all).

Mammoths in Skyrim, they are awesome because
they are big and shaggy, like me, {via}

Well, now it's Skyrim, Oblivions younger but oh so much more talented little brother (or sister, they aren't sexist in Tamriel) that has me sucked in, so much of the radio blog silence from me here has been at the hands of this game. I'll be fair, it only came out a week ago, but the weeks before that I've been enjoying my social life, and actually have plans coming up, ranging from coffee tonight to a trip to Birmingham for the Christmas market. I'm very much looking forward to this trip as it's with old friends I don't really see very often at all (most of them I haven't seen in at least a year) but of course I have to tear myself away from the Xbox to do that.

I'm sure I'll survive the shock though :)

I'm also look forward in the next few weeks to Twilight (you may judge, I care not :p) and the ChildLine Christmas do (Ben can finally see all these crazy people I've been pouring my deepest, darkest secrets to during training). All in all, aside from the unsuprising "I LOVE SKYRIM" line I've been pulling around with me this past week, not a lot to report on, but an awful lot coming up to enjoy :)

{via}

Oh, you may also notice that I've not said anything about writing, which considering I announced with some excitement that I was partaking in NaNoWriMo again this year (in order to strike a task from my day zero list) may strike as suspicious. Well suspect away dear friends for I jacked it all in a week into the frivolities. I'm just not feeling the creative juices flowing this November, which is ok because they very much were last year and so the chances are that they will be next year, or the year after...but after that I've failed day zero, so they'd better not be waiting till the November after that to resume the flow...you get my point anyhow. This year is a NaNo fail.

As for the weight loss, this is actually coming along quite nicely this November. As is usual with me so it seems, as soon as I stopped pressurising myself with challenges and immediate urgent goals I've started losing again. As of today my weight is 315 lb...still much too high and way too unhealthy, but if I'd been hanging around on FUFF I would have surpassed my weight loss goal! What's even sweeter about this number is that I've only got one stone and a pound to lose before I'm out of the 300 lb's, and since I've already lost more than this in total you can imagine  that I'm feeling pretty darn positive about seeing a 2 flash up on the scale. The really important thing is though that this is a significant loss after a pretty stagnant period where I was losing at best a half a pound a week. It just goes to show that in this particularly tough world of scales and gyms and portion sizes and vegetables, the fruits of your labour aren't always instantaneous.

Anyhow, just thought I'd drop in a line. Can't wait to bring you news of all the wonderful things that are taking place over the CHRISTMAS IS NEARLY HERE *ahem* season and err...I hope you are all enjoying yourselves too ^_^

All filler

Today, someone got to this blog by searching for "Evil sexy stare"

Thanks for giving me a giggle, whoever you may be!

Looking forward...

To alleviate the hot and heavy deep introspective themes that have permeated into my blog of late, here is something a little mor light hearted; some things I'm looking forward to!

Christmas (it's only 100 days!)

Christmas shopping (starting soon!)

This is why I love Xmas in Liverpool! {via}

 Brand new phone (coming on Saturday!)

Simply Be opening it's first high street store next week (I love me some clothes!)

Going to the Gym (Just need to get Ben kitted out!)

Going to Leeds (Just over a month to go!)

Going to see The Queen of Spades {via}

Pumpkin Pie (Gonna make my first ever one after pay day)

Christmas Cake (I'm making my own this year! No nuts!)

Loosing more weight (I'm down to 16lb's lost...from here on in it's uncharted territory!)

Pizza Tonight (Gotta love Weight Watchers!)

Amsterdam (Might be pushed back to April now...but still very much on the cards for next year!)

Such a pretty city ^_^

Girlie nights out (just gotta get them organised!)

Finishing my ChildLine training (and getting onto the phones by myself!)

Twilight (One of my many guilty pleasures!)

Skyrim (SQUEEE!!!)

NaNoWriMo (November is going to be busy...)

And now, over to Kelly

So guys, I promised you something a little different today, did I not? Thanks to 20SB I've handed the reins of my blog over to this crazy lady by the name of "Kelly" for the day, and I in return have hijacked hers. Enjoy!

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Hello readers of Adventures with Bex!

I am invading Bex blog to reflect on summer as part of the 20SB Blog Swap #9 - thanks for having me Bex!

Introductions make me awkward so I'm just going to leap on into it...

I love summer! Oh boy, do I love summer. I spend the months between April and September wishing it would hurry itself up because I can't wait to feel the kiss of the sun on my bare skin again. However, like some sun addict that's been locked away in winter, I end up OD'ing on it. And in a bad, bad way.

I live in Australia, where I've heard a couple of times that our rays from the sun are apparently harsher than most others around the world, and I have white skin, very white skin.

I lived in the States a few years back and loved only wearing SPF8 sunscreen, if I even put any on; by the middle of summer I was this beautiful cocoa brown colour. I think experiencing that may have been what lead me to forget that I am not invincible to the power of the sun.

A couple of years ago some friends of mine came to visit me in the November and after the wet and cold winter we'd had I was looking forward to some serious sun time.

I took them on a 3hr trip up the coast to show them my favourite bay and the Nambung National Park; I packed a picnic, some towels and the sunscreen - I planned to put it on when we got there. It was an absolutely glorious day, I remember thinking "I really am in God's country" on that drive. I had this top on with flimsy straps and when we stopped at the wind farm I pulled them down and tucked them inside the boob tube part of the top, figured it would totally minimise the tan lines - this was the point I should have applied the sunscreen.

Onwards we went to Hangover Bay (seriously, if you ever find yourself in Western Australia head north and find this bay) where we head down to the beach to check it out; the wind had picked up as we hit the coastline so we decided not to get the picnic out there but wait until we hit the Pinnacles. I didn't think we'd go down to the beach for so long if that was the plan so I decided I'd put the sunscreen on when I got back to the car - in relation to alert levels I had reached amber, like that light was going to flick red very damn soon and I'd be in panic mode.

The beach was stunning. The water was beautiful greens and blues whilst the sand was blindly white. The boys fell in love with it like I did and decided to wander up the beach. As I picked up shells and wrote in the sand with my toes I felt my skin getting warmer and had a thought of "maybe I should've put sunscreen on?" except when I looked down I was still about as blinding as the sand (in hindsight I was probably blinded by the sand).

Once we returned to the car an hour later, I was feeling a little tender and I asked them if I looked red, Boy 1 responded with "you look a little pink". He slapped some sunscreen on me at that point and we drove to the Pinnacles so I could show them how awesome I think they are. We got out of the car a couple of times, including to have our picnic, and each time we all noticed I was definitely escalating from "a little pink" to all out "holy motherfucking Mary I feel like I'm being stabbed by millions of tiny needles". But, not being one to acknowledge how bad the damage was, we kept exploring until the rain came in; the sky was slate grey, the rain was cool and I was red, like red-raw red. Like you-couldn't-miss-it-even-if-you-tried red.

My skin tightened on the drive back to Perth. I could hardly move by the time we got home.

For the remainder of their 5 days in Perth I struggled to wear a top, thanks to the ingenious idea of removing the straps I didn't give myself any unburnt skin for my bra straps so it was excruciating pain to leave the house. Thanks to the heat I was radiating, you could've cooked an egg on me for a good 4 days after this little day trip. I could hardly wear a top, I definitely couldn't expose any of my skin to the sun for days and as soon as we would walk into the house they were having to remove my top and bra off me so I could proceed to walk around the house with a towel tucked under my arms.

We tried aloe - even straight from the freezer that shit wasn't cold enough
We tried some special burn cream - I don't even know if that did anything but leave weird crystals on my skin
We tried hot showers - Boy 1 swore by this method "hot water will draw the heat out! Cold water will trap it". Maybe it works on mild burn... I had I-should've-gone-to-the-hospital type of burns.
We tried yoghurt - some bright spark suggested that it would help, it only helped with making me smell like a carton of sour milk within 5 minutes and no one would come near me
We tried bags of ice - Boy 2 (after 3 days he was the only one who would keep trying to help me get rid of the burning feeling) went to the servo and bought a bag of ice which we then put into a shopping bag and I laid, very gently, on the floor while he sat on the couch and held the bags on my burning skin
We tried tomato - I smelt like salad for the rest of the afternoon

The whole experience was god awful. And I think it won't happen again every year except the only thing that has changed is that I make sure I'm wearing a top with straps, at least that's some sort of learning from past experiences right there...

I love summer!

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Post number 100!

Well, I was going to try and do something a little bit out of the ordinary for my 100th blog post cause, you know, 100! But instead my hand has been forced because I have just laughed my backside off to the other side of the room.

Just checked my blog stats, as I do, and one of the searches that led some poor soul from google to this here little blog?


"Porno Mature"


WTH Google? Hahahahahahahaha!!! Why are you sending people searching for mature porn to my blog?


Well mister (or missus, I've been known to partake in the watching of porn after all, we don't discriminate here *snigger*) mature porn hunter. Welcome to my blog. I'm sure you'll find it excrutiatingly dull and none pornographic, and probably not at all what you were looking for.


In fact lol, here's what I'll do for this 100th post. I'll have a giveaway after all. If you have the guts to fess up in this here comments box that you found my blog by searching for porn, of any kind, I will send you five English pounds sterling*. Because dude, at least you owned up to it!




* Lol, no I won't, but come on, be a good sport eh? Eh? Eh? :D

Hodgepodge

I've only just realised, but this is my 99th post. Unless something mega huge and exciting happens that just NEEDS to be blogged about, like a fire or a tornado or an earthquake or, you know, all the terrible things life can periodically throw at you which needs to be reported upon via the internet as soon as it happens, tomorrows post will be post number 100.

I'm afraid it's rather crept up on me. I would have liked to do something special as it were. Perhaps a giveaway or a vlog, but I've nothing to give right now and if ever I do a vlog it will probably take numerous recordings and lots of editing...had I realised it was coming up so quick I might have already made one (and I could have crossed another goal off of my day zero list!)

Well, if anyone has any ideas do send them this way!

In the meantime, since it would really suck if post 99 was just me rabbiting on about the next post being number one hundred, here's a hodgepodge post of my thoughts for the day.

• I've really gotten into this whole challenge thing. I know it's only four days in (sixty six to go!) but I feel really focussed on my goals. I think it was the best thing I've dedicated myself to in a while.

• My knitting is going BLURG at the minute. I've not dropped or added any stitches, but for some reason I suddenly loosened up the tension and I've ended up with a massive bulge. I'm half tempted to unravel it all and start from scratch but I've spent so long on it already, it would be a shame. I might continue till the end and see what I make of it then. I might not be able to use it as a present as I'd hoped, but if I can't then hey, at least I have a new scarf to add to my winter collection!

• Last year, I dreaded winter because the past four winters beforehand had been spent miserable and depressed. I suffer with SAD in a major way. However, last winter actually was much better than the other ones and was in fac quite enjoyable. I'm already really looking forward to October coming along. I like dark evenings and bright lights in the form of halloween decor/fireworks/eventually xmas decor. I look forward to strolling down Church/Lord Street all wrapped up against the cold, enjoying the winter market and gorging myself on honey nuts and hog roast sandwiches. I love a good hog roast. I wanted one for my wedding, but I couldn't convince anyone it would be a good idea.

• As I've been blitzing through my kitchen I've come to realise how much crap I have in there that I don't need, and now as I look around my flat I've come to similar conclusions, but also I've realised how much I can utilise what little space I do have for storing what I do need to keep. For example, I've been thinking of ways to store my towels and linnen etc which are currently stacked, haphazardly, on top of my wardrobe because there's no where else to put them...but I have a load of empty plastic boxes that we used for moving and storing junk which we have since gotten rid of. I don't know why it has never occured to me to put these to good, active use instead of just stacking them in a corner till we need them again for moving.

• Since we got our laptop, we've not really used our half dead desktop pc. I'm thinking of putting it into storage till it is needed, so I can transform the desk (which is tiny, and only has space for the monitor and computer equipment) into a vanity table come useable office area come craft space (it's difficult to lean over a low coffee table and make nice jewellery). It will be nice for it to be used as something other than a dumping ground for our defunct electrical equipment. Ben might need some talking around to this idea, however. When he realises it means my makeup, hair and jewellery stuff is moved away from the coffee table, he might come round to it. Oh, he might also come round to it when he realises it means he has somewhere to sit and paint his car models properly too.

• I seem to be getting nesting tendancies. Should probably take a pregnancy test.

• On second thoughts, that's the most ridiculous idea I've had in a while.

• It occured to me last night that our kettle is the very one my mum and dad bought me from the Tesco Express opposite St Johns shopping centre the day they moved me to Liverpool. I was shitting myself that day, I'd only been to Liverpool once before, for an open day at the University! This makes me feel a little nostalgic, especially as it now needs replacing. It's been a good little trooper for something we got for a fiver and has now last comin up to six years!

• Along with this overhaul at home, I'm going to do some streamlining of my blog since it's now 100 entries long (well...tomorrow). Gonna go through all my posts and change all the tags to useful, meaningful tags since my usual "just say something funny and relevant" has created that mess on the side.

• Ben just called from work. No need to convince him. The computer is getting moved and the desk revamped. Hooray!

The going be going!

Well from starting off so enthusiastically the whole blogging thing has fallen off the wagon hasn't it? Well, not so much as you would think. Through the end of April and most of May I've had a really bad downwards swing (I knew the absence of winter blues this year would come back to haunt me!) and poor Ben must be at his wits end with me. A mix of lack of funds and an anti social funk has had me pretty much house bound and I've had no physical or face to face human contact except with Ben and the people in ASDA. Which at the time didn't seem like a bad thing so much but now I'm looking back and realising that except for when I had to go to fetch my pills and my mother in law's birthday present (a quick, mad dash into town and back) and the weekly treck up to ASDA (which Ben has made me do by conveniently leaving the bank card at home so I have to go out!) I've pretty much not left the flat for a month, and I will go for a week or so at a time without so much as crossing the threshold. I know, it's really pathetic. It's something I have to break before it becomes a real problem.

As you can imagine, this leaves little to blog about. It's not that I've forgotten, it's not that "I have no life" because when I'm not in a funk I have a fine life indeed (in my opinion, given the circumstances and what not). It's just I don't want to bore you with blog updates such as "My sim gave birth today, I'm quite chuffed as this is the fifth generation and thus the oldest sim family I have ever created" or "Still waiting on a phonecall from x person/got another rejection/there's nothing to apply for wtf?" or "The TV/Internet/Xbox is becoming so boring" or "Cleaned the kitchen. Again. This time tomorrow it will require cleaning, again. The bathroom too. I'm just a paragon of domesticity."

However, today is different, I do indeed have something to say ^_^

Haha how bad does that sound? But anyhow. I wish to mention that despite me having practically been a recluse since my birthday, and having whinged about my weight and how fat I am near constantly on here, I've actually begun to loose weight again, so much so that I've started to show on my own scales! So just goes to show, my big rant last time about the dietician? Yeah I was so right :p Take your beans on toast and stuff them up your arse.

Of course I'm now facing the "Can I be a good girl while I'm away" dilema. Yes, once again we're jet setting off (we're such avid travellers) but this time to the sunny south for (as you may have guessed from the above mention of gift buying) my lovely mother in law's birthday. It's a big one but if I mention how big on the internet she may just skin me alive. Anyhow, being a big one there's going to be a party and, well let's face it my sister in law is possibly the most wonderous baker of cakes, muffins, biscuits etc etc that even if there wasn't a party...

I'm not too worried though. I'm taking some of the tools I've found so helpful and whilst I'm not intending to be on a strict diet whilst away I'll be able to keep up my good habits and come back and slide into normality without too much of a hiccup (it took me two weeks after I got back from my birthday to get back into the groove properly).

In other news, I've heard back from two of the three places I applied to volunteer with, one was just an acknowlegement letter, the other was a nice proper application form. A bit gutted about the other one that hasn't gotten back as it was a small, local thing that was relevant to me and quite appealing, but as it is indeed a local venture I'm going to try getting back in touch once we're home again if they haven't gotten back to me by then. It might be that they have all the volunteers they need but since I took the time to research it and write a lovely letter (well...email...but it would have made a very lovely letter) it would have been nice just to have an acknowlegment of reciept or something. If nothing comes good of it I'll head to the volunteer centre (which I discovered via the interwebs during my self imposed house arrest) and see what else here abouts may be requiring a willing pair of paws to help out.

That's all for now, I know it's pretty much 'yet another self centred rant' but hey, when there's some proper news I'll tell it! For now I'd better go and start my packing for tomorrow and possibly make some yummy noodles for lunch. Hope you're all safe and sound wherever it may be that you are :)

Finding solutions to problems

Good afternoon all, I hope you're feeling well today :)

I've been having a bit of a huff because none too many of my regular favourite bloggers have been updating too frequently, today I have only one new blog entry to peruse! But then I have to (wo)man up and say you know what Bex, you haven't exactly been bombing the blogosphere with posts yourself...so here is my solution to the problem, I post to you all my own entry and perhaps you all will post some back!

I've been attempting to be more proactive in problem solving this week in general. My motivation to do anything at all of any use is probably at an all time low after a couple more rejections. I'm under no delusions that for every job I apply for there are probably hundreds just like me, and hundreds who are much better qualified than me, also applying for said job.

Going off on a tangent here, it pisses me off when politicians say "oh, there's always jobs available" because actually when you look in detail, all those jobs available are looking specifically for those with x ammount and type of experience. I don't begrudge them that at all because it's their business, but when ignorant upper class tory toffs who've never wanted for anything make such sweeping statements and then flood the market with yet more job seekers with their idiotic cuts, putting pressure on us who are maybe a little rusty in the workplace and already desperately seeking some kind of work, it just makes me so bloody angry! Even a basic 5 hours a week part time cleaning job seeks someone with experience and a frigging drivers liscence! It's so very very frustrating!

Back off of said tangent...I know I can't just sit around on my arse all day and expect a job to come to me, but after applying for fuck knows how many jobs of all different kinds (I'm not proud, I will lick your toilet bowl if you'll pay me for it. Ok maybe not.) I must be doing something wrong.

 So I'm looking into volunteering again. I've sent off a few applications at this point and am just waiting back on responses. I can only think that taking on a couple of different roles might give me the experience that employers want and make me look considerably less rusty. Also less lazy. And also will allow me to prove what I've been doing all this time (I got rejected from one lucrative looking job, a job that didn't require any experience at all, because I couldn't provide references for the past two years to prove I hadn't been, I dunno, running a fraud ring or something, though I do say that even had I been in work I could have been partaking in such activity so I fail to see how this is a safeguard at all.).

This isn't just the only problem in my life I'm seeking solutions to, though it would indeed be a mega huge boost to my energy and motivation levels just to see something happen in this sector. I'm also trying to jumpstart my weightloss (again, I hear you cry!). I've been scrutinising myself very closely here. I've stopped going to see my dietician because despite her one little tidbit of information about insulin peaks and troughs (hence explaining some of my dizzy spells and evening binges) she's actually done nothing to help me. She asked me at one point to stop worrying about calories and concentrate on eating healthily. I did this, and in a month I gained six kilo's, which I have struggled most terribly in loosing again even after going back to jotting down and tracking everything I eat.

Our meetings consisted of her trying to think of healthy meal idea's based upon her diet and lifestyle. Don't get me wrong, she's so skinny...but she's not me. And she (obviously!) doesn't have my lifestyle. Cook some garlic chicken up and slam it in a pitta bread, now that's a fantastic idea but I can't afford to cook up fresh meat twice a day. I tell her this and she looks at me blandly before saying "well, how about beans on toast?". You mean to tell me your advice is to live on a diet of beans on toast? Oh no not just that, you also need to partake in healthy cooking practices! Listen lady, I've already cut my portions in half and dry fry everything that isn't either dry roasted, grilled or boiled or steamed. There is no fat in my food cupboard, no cooking oil except that "1 cal per spray" shit (actually I say shit, but it's very good).

Before I turn into one of these women who proclaim I do everything right and yet only put stones and stones of weight on, don't worry I'm under no such delusions. I'm just saying that when my GP sent me off to see a dietician I was expecting/hoping for firmer help. Actually the GP herself gave me more relevant information. The dietician regurgitated a lot of secondary school biology nutrition...in fact everything she ever told me I could find for you on the NHS website. There's nothing new that she ever told me that I didn't already know. I mean her super duper fatty scales were great but meh. I was sent to her by my GP because I have weight related fertility problems and I was told that the dietician would have an understanding of the effects of PCOS on the body and the way in which this itself effects weight loss and how a particular diet may be issued to help ease the effects since it is closely linked to diabetes and insulin resistance. No no no. Just eat frigging beans on toast and garlic chicken and your problems will be solved.

Then she wanted to stop our one to one sessions and get me to go to some group ones like an NHS based weight watchers I guess but after some thought I decided not to go. In conjunction with one another it's not a problem but as the one and only solution? If she can't even help me one to one, on something that's supposed to be tailor made and focussed on me and my lifestyle, what does she think a weekly group weigh in and talk about "healthy fats and good cooking practise" is going to do? I'm not stupid, I don't need to be taught not to smother my roast in goose fat. I don't need to be told it is unhealthy to eliminate all fat from my diet. I don't need to be told the difference between simple and complex carbohydrates or how they are broken down and used by the body.

And no, I didn't learn this from the frigging internet.

I decided to take it upon myself to look at what I'm doing wrong without her guidance. and this involved doing something she didn't do and look at my diet over the long term and it turns out that the snacks and going over board that I would do maybe one or two days a week is actually enough to scupper all the hard work I do the rest of the time. Maybe if it's once or twice a month, or strictly only one day a week it'd be cool, but not the frequency I'm at now. Also, being stuck in job hunting with no money to actually go out and about and be a bit more active (sorry but solitary neighbourhood walks around here are not something I'd willingly participate in.) doesn't help. So I'm trying to build a routine of activity up.

It is difficult, not least of all because of my asthma, and I'm affraid my own laziness will sabotage me but what can I do? There's no one keeping me this way but myself at the end of the day. I'm wasting no more time on idiotic dieticians who regurgitate the same old shit but mixed up with the enthusiasm of one who is paid to say "Eat beans on toast!" every day. I can go to my mother, ask how I should loose weight, and hear the same from her.

Honestly, I'm a bit frustrated that until I develop a life threatening condition I don't seem to be eligible for any help besides being told to eat beans on toast once a month, and I'd really rather not develop such a condition first. But the only person whose going to help me is me, not dome ditzy so called health professional who spouts off the same crap I can watch on Channel Four once a week.

Actually I think my relationship with food is much less about my willingness to eat a healthy, balanced diet (which I do, on the whole) or my difficulty in being active, but is on the whole much more psychological. Still, I can't afford to fork out for therapy and the NHS doesn't seem to have cottoned on to the fact that many people don't binge because subliminal messaging in adverts tells them to or because they would rather eat chocolate than beans on toast. Once again, until I put my life in danger through purging or starving it seems that I won't get any psychological help and will just have to carry on regardless trying to manage my mood swings on my own and not just self medicate with chocolate.

Anyhow. Yes. Solutions to problems. I be masterminding them yet again. Ahem. Sorry about the rant there I didn't intend it to get as such but hey, why not leave it up there for posterity (and Ben's amusement). I'm sure everything will eventually come to me, I just have to work at it in the meantime :)

More changes?

As much as it was fun to play with the grungy rusty look before, it really didn't fit in with the feel of my blog so I've come up with this replacement with its pretty and much more feminine accents. I'm keeping the layout, since I quite like the way it's set out. I'm undecided about the boxes that the posts sit in...on the one hand, it keeps everything easy to read and nice and neat, but on the other hand I don't think it's a terribly difficult background to read off of anyhow...

Anyway, I'd love to know what people think, so drop me a line :) I personally think it's a mahoosive improvement!

NaBloPoMo...whut?

November of last year I astounded myself by finally completing NaNoWriMo (or, in English, National Novel Writing Month). Of course, by 'completing' I mean I made it to the 50,000 words required. Sadly I never did finish the story itself. If I can be honest, I never had much faith in it as a concept...it was cheesy, it was lame, it was oh so over the top...you know, like most fantasy's are. "Mac-fantasy" as Ben calls it. It has sat around on my pc all this time being neglected, only half finished and feeling cold. Poor little novel.

But despite that, it really did feel special to have written all that in a month. Will I be doing it again this year? Hell's yeah! This time I may go down a different route. Perhaps I will go for a completely bonkers string of unrelated bu random events as suggested by the crazy people of the NaNo forums, or perhaps I'll do a crime novel. I've never read crime, so that should be quite hilarious.

But that is not till November, and now we are in January (or, in about eight hours time, February. Indeed, if you are in Australia, it is already February. Happy February, mate!) so why am I waxing lyrical about how awesome NaNo was and how great it made me feel?

Well, whilst lurking around on some random people's blogs, I came accross "National Blog Posting Month" or, in NaNoNese "NaBloPoMo". This isn't just a once a year event, as it turns out...every month is NaBloPoMo. And so I'm thinking...yeah...I could do that. I hate looking at an empty blog with few posts. It feels tenuous, like at any given moment I could throw my hands up and say "yeah, I give in, blogging is not for me". NaBloPoMo. The greatest excuse around for actually, you know, actively blogging!

I shall endeavour to start tomorrow then. Every day for the month of February, you will be blessed with an update. I promise I won't bore you...or at least I'll try my best not to. Should nothing of interest be happening in my life I shall instead take inspiration from the monthly theme (yep, it even gives suggestions for themes, though of course this is not compulsory.)

In other news, I am now going to bore you ^_^. Have had a most unproductive day, although I did start on a rainbow spiral bracelet. Sounds like fun? Well it is! One of my earliest beading projects was a spiral bracelet in shiny shiny emerald green. I did kind of, you know, just give up on it, however, since I got tired of stringing tiny little seed beeds by hand. Now I finally (it only took me two years) invested in some proper beading needles, all those lovely emerald green beads are packed away ready (in hope) for when we move, and all I have are these tiny little plastic beads of every colour, all mixed up and that are of no particular use other than to jumble together and call it a "rainbow". It actually looks rather pretty so far. Sadly, I have mis placed my camera. As soon as I have found it I will take a lovely picture to show you the prettiness of it.

Till later, folks!

Guest writer?

My husband, other wise known as "Bendana" thanks to his one time love and adoration of the bandana, but usually just called "Ben" to those who know and love him best (and all kinds of terrible, terrible things by my good self) once suggested that I should guest write an article on his blog. I can't remember what the subject of said article was, but I recall that he was sat at the computer, tap tap tapping away whilst I hurled abuse at the TV, most likely at some crap Richard Dawkins was peddling (God? Oh No!) or something Panorama was mouthing off about (Video Games? Oh No!) and whatever it is I was ranting on about impressed him sufficiently enough to have him offer up this generous suggestion.

And I graciously declined, for in my head is contained so many many rants like that. I could write a whole blog about each and every one of them. I didn't want to steal his thunder! And I've had so many many ranty blogs and journals and diaries before now, in one form or another. Facebook is full of my rantings. Twitter is full of my ravings. I had to destroy my old LJ with fire. I litterally did destroy an old paper log with scissors and... things (I had no garden so I couldn't fire it up :p)

So I thought well..it would be nice to make a none ranty, none passive aggresive blog for once in my life. Waiting for the right time to do it, I waited and waited but it never seemed appropriate. I even complained to Ben that it would be quite an impossible task. He said;

"Blogs aren't meant to be nice. They're meant to be depositorys of vitriolic hatred."

Well that just threw the gauntlet down. The challenge is set. Already on my first post I seem to be loosing!

But I digress. Welcome, I suppose, to "Adventures with Bex". It's got no real, grand academic purpose, but my life is going through some changes and I would quite like to document it. For posterity as much as anything else. Hopefully, if things go to plan, Ben and I will at last leave Liverpool and return to my very own home county of Durham soon (though it isn't really a return for Ben, who is from an actual 'home county', Kent) and so I figure now is a great time to do the things I haven't yet had the chance, time or incliation to do here on Merseyside and share it with you. Then, when I finally do go home, you can follow with much amusement no doubt our trials and tribulations of forging a new life for ourselves 'up north'.


But above all else, I'm doing it to prove Ben wrong. So from here on in it's all sunshine and daisies and no vitriolic, hate filled rants. Should I feel the inclination to rant, I shall simply do so on his blog ;)