The night kicked off in style with a rockabillyesque version of "Satellite" by last years winner, Lena, who was back to represent Germany again this year. This was followed by the first entry, Finland, who I'm sad to say wasn't quite as sparkly as the opening act.
Don't get me wrong, it was a nice enough little song, certainly better than some of what was to follow. The singer was so sweet you could wrap him up and sell him as toffee. Or pack him up as a doll, Ken's little brother or perhaps Action Man's weedy secretary. Either way I'm afraid Finald, who ultimately came 21 out of 25 was a bit of a shrinking violet and so far removed from their jaw dropping winning entry from 2006 (Who would be Lordi, as if you would forget that!). He just got all washed out by the rest of the glitz, glam and spectacle of Eurovision.
The show picked up with the second song however, an entry by the typically eccentric Bosnia & Herzegovina. Their show piece this time round? A random, trumpet wielding hobo (though I don't recall him actually putting the trumpet to his lips...if anyone recalls this do let me know!) who could well have been Ali G dragged up from a ditch after a week long bender who seemed to, well...run around and leap elegantly from one end of the stage to another like a...graceful Bosnian deer...
Ahem.
Denmark continued in a happy bouncy but unremarkable fasion, and Lithuania was fourth on stage, and was the first country to showcase what I like to call the "Eurodiva". The Eurodiva, if you have never watched Eurovision, appears every year. Her song is heartfelt and soulful. Towards the end she begins to scream somewhat. She is clothed in what is supposed to be an elegant gown and usually appears on stage on her own or with an instrumentalist or a troupe of crazy dancers of some description. In typically elegant Eurodiva style, Lithuania appeared with a grand piano. There were various Eurodiva's tonight, and there was nothing specifically special about Lithuania's diva except that she happened to be the first on stage.
Fifth was Hungary, who at first had the potential to be the second Eurodiva but her song was much too cheesetastic pop and her blue lame dress much too short to be classy. Perhaps Eurotramp would be the best way to desribe Hungary's offering, and the rest of Europe seemed to agree...she came 22nd in the end, even lower than Finland's pretty wallflower boy.
Sixth I had more of an interest in because sith on stage was Ireland, represented by Jedward. Now, it's us in the United Kingdom who are really responsible for Jedward. It was us (well I say us, it wasn't me personally I must press you to understand) who launched them to fame via the X Factor. They already have a relatively impressive (I suppose) fan base here in the UK and were always going to recieve our 12 points. Their performance was typically flamboyant. They wore matching sparkly red suits with the most humongous foam shoulder pads that made them look very tense and stiff throughout their eccentric dance routine which mostly involved them jumping up and down like a pair of angry leprechauns...and I'm not even being racist towards the Irish when I say this...their costumes paired with their trademark hair do and random leaping up and down (I don't know whether or not it was actually intended but this dancing and leaping up and down was not in sync with one another, or with the music) made them look like a pair of angry creatures from fairy land. Rumplestiltskin comes to mind, actually. As for the song itself, I have to admit it's now stuck in my head, but I don't recall actually hearing them singing it. The backing singers were very good though! A memorable performance, certainly, however.
Seventh onto the stage was Sweden, who looked at one point like they were going to win it (alas, they did not). The song was another catchy one, about being popular. Not my particular cup of tea, and the performance which involved him standing at one point in a glass cube (no idea why but this is Eurovision at the end of the day, why do any of them do anything?). This entry was the male opposite of the Eurodiva; the Eurohunk. Nice looking fella strapping around on stage and giving you the eye through the camera. Once again, he was not the only Eurohunk on stage this evening, but probably the most memorable.
Next came Estonia's entry, one Getter Jaani, whose bone structure and overuse of makeup and tan made her look about thirty dressing to be thirteen in a hot pink baby doll dress the likes of which wouldn't go amiss in the lolita fashion stores of Japan. As a matter of fact, she's 18 years old and is a prime example of why you should stay out of the sun to prevent premature ageing, and why sometimes less is more when it comes to makeup. Still the song (which is what we really watch Eurovision for, right?) was pretty decent, catchy Euro-stock.
Greece was next. Oh dear sweet Jesus. What gets me is that this song ended up coming seventh place (proving the Eurovision political voting machine is still as healthy as ever) despite being absoloutely dreadful. It was slow and dirge like. The rapper...well..couldnt rap...and the singer was sub par. I seem to recall Greece using this same formula of Eurohunk singing what is supposed to be an epic, soul stirring anthem in previous years, and being shit then as well, but this year was by far the shittest. Come on Greece, let's see some actual talent next year.
Greece was followed by Russia who won using the formula at which Greece fails miserably a couple of years ago, but if I can be honest I can't remember anything about their entry. I may well have been cooking my pizza at this point, which tells you all you need to know about it. They were followed by France, who were tipped by bookies to be the favourite to win (followed by Jedward). The song was certainly not your usual cheesy pop and was rather operatic in sound. Still despite the pretty boy with his pretty hair blasting his lungs out best he could there was something not quite right about it, something a little bit off as if he was slightly out of tune or out of time with the backing track...I can't put my finger on it...still after the hype of hearing that France was gunning to win this year, I was sorely dissapointed.
Italy on the other hand was very much a delightful song. I've never heard jazz sung in Italian before. If you were to ask me, I'd say France's entry should have been Italian and Italy's entry should have been French. Either way, a definite thumbs up from me and Ben here, we were toe tapping all the way through except on a couple of notes where he felt the need to immitate nails on a chalk board using his vocal chords. I'm glad I'm not his vocal chords tonight.
They were followed by Switzerland, another Eurodiva type act whose song would have won me over had it not been for the fact that whoever had written her song for her had run out of words half way through and just filled the space with "Na na na na na na na na na na na". After Switzerland came our entry, good old UK. Sadly I havent much to say on them because the band has been around since I was in school and were as bland and boring then as they were tonight. It came as a huge suprise to me when they were briefly leading on the score boards, but apparently they're known to a few of our European neighbours.
Then came Moldova, and my first thought upon seeing them was "GARDEN GNOMES!". Their particular brand of Eurovision was as wacky and fun as you expect, and they were even joined halfway by a Garden Fairy on a Unicycle. As for the music, it was upbeat and cheery. Ben describes it as "Gnome Ska" although to my ears any ska influence was only slight. Either way, I loved it!
Germany was up after Moldova with a repeat performance by their winning songstress from last year, Lena. This song was not quite as cheerful and toe-tapping as Satellite and I think she may have hired giant silver sperm people to be her dancers, but it was ok. It was average, despite Ben jumping up saying "I would" as soon as she came on stage. I don't know....
Germany was followed by more "average" and unremarkable acts from Romania, Austria, Azerbaijan and Slovenia. I don't really recall the Slovenian entry but Romania was of the Eurohunk Band variety, Austria was a Eurodiva and Azerbaijan was a Eurodiva/Eurohunk ballad. Iceland followed with another bland but nice song. There was a touching story behind it which endeared me to it even more; it was originally written by a fellow who, of course, intended to enter it for Eurovision but before he could perform it for Iceland's selection people he went and popped his clogs. A band of his friends got together and played it on his behalf just so it would be heard and Iceland decided after all that they should go on to represent them which I think is lovely. I don't know what kind of a guy this person was, whether he was a dick or a saintly sort but I hope wherever his soul resides now he's got a little smile.
After Iceland came Spain who have historically done very poorly. They ended up coming 23rd but I thought this particular act was worth much more than that. Spain was followed by Ukraine, another Eurodiva with another generic Eurodiva song, but she was accompanied by a sand artist...if you didn't watch it it's hard to describe but basically instead of a pre reorded animation baking the singer, the sand artist made pictures with sandon a back lit work bench on the stage and a camera feed of this hooked up to the screen behind...it was certainly different and very endearing! But like I said...generic song was generic.
The last two acts were worth the wait, but I think by this point people were getting tired and the audience wrestless and as such they didn't get half the pop they should have. The penultimate was Serbia with a real 60's feel pop tune (and by sixties feel I mean the clothes, hair, makeup and set were done up like this too!) which once again I personally would have given a higher place than the 14th place that it got. The final was Georgia who was a bit of a Linkin Park/Evanescence cross. This appealed to the teenager in me, and I think I'm probably the only person other than her who actually really liked her dress...Ben also liked it, but I think that's more because it wasn't heesy pop. He's still a bit of a musical elitist underneath it all (Which he will no doubt adamantly deny but hey :p)
While the votes were counted and verified, Dusseldorf really let itself down. Usually at this point in the show, there is some kind of stage act. This has been circus and acrobatic type acts or massively choreographed dance troupes. Yes there have been music acts, but always accompanying the visual spectacle. This time it was all about the singer. I couldn't tell you anything about him, and his backing dancers were pretty generic. It could have come straight out of the contest itself and was a bit of a let down (I always anticipate this part of the show!)
Anyhow the results were then called in. As usual, for some reason some presenters feel the need to hog a bit of limelight. Poland's presenter demanded people "guess" who they gave their 12 points to and there was an awkwards silence for about 10 seconds or so before the German presenter insisted she hand it over or so. However, the point giving was still rather exciting because unlike recent years, there was no clear run away leader, and for a little while the UK was top of the leader board!
In the end it wasn't to be for our bland performance. Azerbaijan won (to a comment from Graham Norton that they are one of the countries who can actually afford to host it, still being relatively oil rich...ouch...) despite there equally forgettable contribution. I suppose the rest of Europe disagreed with me. We voted for Moldova (for the Gnome tastic performance) who came 12th, Georgia (because Ben wanted to) who came 9th and Iceland (because their dead man story endeared them to me) who came 20th.
Our bland Blue boys ended up 11th all together, which is a massive improvement on our recent positions, whilst our pointy haired Irish cousins came 8th. France, hotly tipped to be number one came 15th (I sure hope he didn't listen to all the hype that had surrounded him up till that point) and last years winners pipped the UK by only one place, comming 10th.
So that was the Eurovision Song Contest of 2011 anyhow if you didn't see it yourself, and I just can't wait till next years!
"As for the song itself, I have to admit it's now stuck in my head, but I don't recall actually hearing them singing it. The backing singers were very good though!"
ReplyDeleteI had so many people in my facebook feed complaining that the backing singers were out of tune and ruining Jedwards song XD