Changes

Aside from a brief Beath the Heat entry on Monday I've been away from blogging all this week. Partially because I NaBlo'ed in July and was sick of having to force an entry every day, and partially because I've been so busy with my family who came to visit.

It's been an absoloutely lovely couple of days, with lots of eating, lots of walking, lots of having fun. Me and the siblings went absoloutely barmy on the beach yesterday with a poor disheartened Ben looking onwards (yet still indulging us, you can't deny it my dear!).

The next couple of months look like they're going to be jam packed full of activity. I've spoken before about how basically the past year has been sat around doing nothing. Well between my new job, the extra training scheduled in for that until December and the training schedule for ChildLine (I'm enrolled on a Switchboard course next week, and the week after that all being well I'll start my counsellor training) I'm basically going from 0-60 almost instantaneously.


I would be lying if I said I wasn't intimidated by this at all, I'm very much intimidated. I've got all kinds of worries...will I crumble under the pressure of trying to prove myself in my new role whilst at the same time going through a long and rigorous training process with ChildLine and trying to fit their rigid, unflexible timetable around my new jobs extremely flexible approach to work. Will I be able to organise my life to fit everything in. I know that none of my training clashes, but given how tired I felt just after my first day of training will I be able to cope with hopping from work to volunteering and keep myself fully fuelled and happy. I fear cracking under the pressure, but I don't want to give up this chance (I've already given up so many chances and opportunities in my life). If it means I have to spend a couple of months rushed off my feet then so be it.


And besides, perhaps actually being a little rushed will be good for me. I think I've become soft and complacent and much too comfortable. I know that unless I push myself this complacancy will keep me rutted down where I am, going no where. Ben has expressed a worry that weekend shifts and training days and late nights at either work or CL will mean we don't see each other much but we've lived in each others pockets an awful lot since we got married, in fact my last job was for the same company as him and we would hang around waiting for each other after work. Whilst I am independant in my social life and he's happy for me to go spend time with friends without him, I think it's time I regained some independance in other areas. I know he'll always support me in what I wish to do, and at the end of the day we have eight splendid hours of cuddling together each and every night.


Yes, the thought of all this change is scary. It's like an earthquake, things have been so quiet, events building up to this point in time, and now boom, suddenly everything is "released" and things have quite suddenly moved forwards. But you know, it's rather exciting too.

Anyhow, I'm heading off now as I have to go shopping for new work trousers (my old ones are too big!) and food for the week (and trust me when I say that after the familial bonding done this past week it's all going to be dead healthy food!). In the meantime, a lovely picture which Ben took at the beach yesterday.

I studied the ripple marks on this very beach when I was in University...so lovely to be able to just enjoy them for their natural beauty now!